[Vander stared at the screen and waited, knowing that there about to be a wall of furious words thrown his way. With the way that they were accosting each other verbally, it made for this whole sitting in his apartment alone worthwhile. The couch was fine, but there was a nearly oppressive silence that marked his isolation here.
And he waited.
And waited.
He shifted on the couch and for a moment, he wondered if Silco had let him half the last word for once. No, no that would never happen. In all of their arguments, differences of opinion or even all the stupid shit they managed to get up to, it had always been him who had to either relent or he had to shut Silco up in a different way and even then, sometimes the other man would still argue and bitch and moan.
Suddenly the text came through his earpiece, and he closed his eyes as an odd sense of relief slid through him. He read the contents once then a second time, picking out the paranoia in those words. Despite assurances that he had no interest in breaking Silco and Jinx up, he would never be believed because why would he? What a maddening little man, made worse by years of abuse, oppression and then... that betrayal.
He'd never forgiven himself. It wasn't about him, was it? That's how he justified it in his head. He'd apologized, but even then he justified it. Blood on both of their hands. He'd deserved it. They'd let her down...
Vander stared at the words again, but in his mind's eye he could only see those seconds where it all fell apart on the bridge. His gauntlets strapped on, Silco slipping in behind his bulk as they pushed forward at the explosions and gunfire escalated. A bullet passed so close, but he wasn't looking back, didn't know it struck Connoll through the left eye and killed him. Not until Felicia screamed out her husband's name. That's when he turned, when Silco also turned like they were one person and in that moment, the next bullet pass through the space where his bulk had just been moments before. The bullet meant for him struck her in the chest, and she went down with nothing more than a gasp. He stared then Silco shoved him, forcing him into motion, leaving the shock and welling grief for another time...
He'd never asked Silco to forgive him. It's been about his grief, his feelings, his actions. They had always brought out the best and the worst in each other.]
I tried to make things alright for them, so they had one less thing to worry about. I tried not to turn away from them because I was the reason they didn't have their parents anymore. If I hadn't turned. If I hadn't looked back, sometimes I imagine it would be different.
[He didn't say her name. They didn't talk about her anymore. It was too painful. He thought Silco would know.]
I'm sorry. I've never ever actually asked for your forgiveness for that day, for losing control. I know you never will, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I never wanted you to be alone, but I know what I did put you in that position and even now, you're still alone even when surrounding yourself with people. You've always been like that, but... it wasn't like that when we had each other's back.
I expect that's how you are with Jinx. It doesn't feel alone when you're with her, does it?
I promise you that I won't take that from you. I have no intention of taking her from you, but I will have a relationship with her. We both can have that with her in our own ways. I suppose I'm happy you have that person who can pull you out of your own head sometimes.
And if you are lonely and she's out doing... whatever it is she does, send me a location address and I'll let you show me how badly you still punch, Slugger.
Text; i barely survived writing this. i don't even know what to say. it's supposed to be text......
And he waited.
And waited.
He shifted on the couch and for a moment, he wondered if Silco had let him half the last word for once. No, no that would never happen. In all of their arguments, differences of opinion or even all the stupid shit they managed to get up to, it had always been him who had to either relent or he had to shut Silco up in a different way and even then, sometimes the other man would still argue and bitch and moan.
Suddenly the text came through his earpiece, and he closed his eyes as an odd sense of relief slid through him. He read the contents once then a second time, picking out the paranoia in those words. Despite assurances that he had no interest in breaking Silco and Jinx up, he would never be believed because why would he? What a maddening little man, made worse by years of abuse, oppression and then... that betrayal.
He'd never forgiven himself. It wasn't about him, was it? That's how he justified it in his head. He'd apologized, but even then he justified it. Blood on both of their hands. He'd deserved it. They'd let her down...
Vander stared at the words again, but in his mind's eye he could only see those seconds where it all fell apart on the bridge. His gauntlets strapped on, Silco slipping in behind his bulk as they pushed forward at the explosions and gunfire escalated. A bullet passed so close, but he wasn't looking back, didn't know it struck Connoll through the left eye and killed him. Not until Felicia screamed out her husband's name. That's when he turned, when Silco also turned like they were one person and in that moment, the next bullet pass through the space where his bulk had just been moments before. The bullet meant for him struck her in the chest, and she went down with nothing more than a gasp. He stared then Silco shoved him, forcing him into motion, leaving the shock and welling grief for another time...
He'd never asked Silco to forgive him. It's been about his grief, his feelings, his actions. They had always brought out the best and the worst in each other.]
I tried to make things alright for them, so they had one less thing to worry about. I tried not to turn away from them because I was the reason they didn't have their parents anymore. If I hadn't turned. If I hadn't looked back, sometimes I imagine it would be different.
[He didn't say her name. They didn't talk about her anymore. It was too painful. He thought Silco would know.]
I'm sorry. I've never ever actually asked for your forgiveness for that day, for losing control. I know you never will, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I never wanted you to be alone, but I know what I did put you in that position and even now, you're still alone even when surrounding yourself with people. You've always been like that, but... it wasn't like that when we had each other's back.
I expect that's how you are with Jinx. It doesn't feel alone when you're with her, does it?
I promise you that I won't take that from you. I have no intention of taking her from you, but I will have a relationship with her. We both can have that with her in our own ways. I suppose I'm happy you have that person who can pull you out of your own head sometimes.
And if you are lonely and she's out doing... whatever it is she does, send me a location address and I'll let you show me how badly you still punch, Slugger.