You think they died, but they haven't. They're whispering in my ear all the time, bossing me around, telling me how to think, how to feel. I guess I deserve it, on the account of the murdering -- but you weren't there, Vander. You didn't get to see Vi squeeze my cheeks and yell at my face, loud and clear - 'I left you home because you're a jinx', and that's the last I heard of her until I was grown. It wasn't Silco, not really, who made Jinx, it was Vi -- and you think she's alive. Powder this, Powder that, everyone just wants damn Powder. For a while there, I thought maybe people from my past could love me like they used to - even if I'm so different. Then you showed up at home, and now things are... Different, again. Like a cycle, it just keeps getting different, everytime I blink - and you love us. Maybe you could-- maybe you would, because you're different there, too. But... You, you? You don't know Jinx. I just told you I caused the explosion, and you're-- you're fine? You don't hate me? You didn't scream at me?
How screwed up is that, Vander? The list to make you hate me is remarkably short? You never left, too. I heard you, all the time, too. You're thinking of Powder, but just like Vi, when you really realize she's gone, you'll leave me.
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timeasmymeasure
cw hallucinations & mental illness
Date: 2025-01-12 02:50 pm (UTC)How screwed up is that, Vander? The list to make you hate me is remarkably short? You never left, too. I heard you, all the time, too. You're thinking of Powder, but just like Vi, when you really realize she's gone, you'll leave me.
Don't. Don't leave me.