cantilevers | Inbox (Etraya)

[ This how he knows it hit: Silco doesn't acknowledge it at all. ]

You have no need to warn me. I know you're just soothing your guilt, if something goes poorly. Don't bother.

[ Sevika has already warned him as well. As if he wouldn't be cautious on his own. ]

I'm not telling you my plan, Vander. I might use it later. Nice try. I can assure you it did not involve a gunman. That's hardly artful.

You're a Zaunite; I would protect any one of you from those not of our city. We stick together, even when we don't want to.

[That had always been his stance, and it remained so. Zaunites stuck together even when they absolutely hated each other, which seemed the truth of the matter between them. It might earn him a stab in the back again, but he wouldn't regret it.]

Oh you're going to recycle the plan? It must have been good if you plan on repurposing to use against me later.

[Okay, he couldn't any longer.]

I didn't hire or have anything to do with that gunwoman. I didn't even know she was there until the bullets started coming at us. I went out in the alley to buy you time to slip away, but that you decided to take her out on your own rather than flee is interesting.

[He meant confusing, but he also wasn't about to admit it. That was handing too much power to Silco in this conversation.]

Edited 2025-04-06 18:06 (UTC)

[ Predictably: ] And with how good you are at that?

[ Silco doesn't believe him, but, well. Silco has good reason for that, doesn't he? ]

And allow you to take the accolades for your clearly pantomimed orchestration? Absolutely not. No, I did that because otherwise you would have gotten the heroic moment you so clearly desire. So I ruined that for you.

[ 😑 ]

Apparently better than you're willing to admit if you're foisting all this credit on me.

[Now his irritation is rising, but what else could either of them expect? They have no reason to believe each other on anything regardless of actual honesty.]

Ohhhhhhhhh, my hero. Thank you for saving my life from a rogue gunwoman. I hope your rankings increased from this daring shuffle of heroics that you performed for the cameras. The Eye of Zaun shows his true qualities to his admirers far and wide.

[ Vander and Silco had always been able to rile each other up best, after all. Even through text, the tone is the same. ]

If I wanted your "thanks", I would have stuck around. I'm quite certain that they would come with violence. After I likely ruined your big moment, and all.

How sad for you.

[ His rankings had only increased slightly. Not enough to account for much. Silco had kept his head down during the majority of it, after all. ]

Ah, you've forgotten that I have no issue spreading the accolades around, have you? Must be how you're getting on with age. The old mind isn't what it used to be, is it? I assume you're here trying for a dust up with an intended purpose.

Yes, I am. To remind you that such games aren't going to work on me. I know you're going to want to play it off, maybe barter good will with Jinx.

Just know: it won't work.

[ ISN't THIS EXHAUSTING, VANDER... ]

They clearly did if you're here shouting over text at me. Speaking of games, did you sell or just donate my body to the doctor? Did he let you watch when you were having a bad day?

From what I've read, that requires all capital letters.

[ See? He's hip with the kids! ]

What are you talking about? When I came back it was gone. Some onlookers likely felt you deserved some sort of sendoff.

[ And then, purposefully, because he knows it will hurt: ]

Once you were dead, what did I care what happened?

You've never needed capitals or punctuation for me to know when you're furious.

[It was good to know two could play this game. Nothing ever changed.]

True. Profits with 'medical' drugs and saving Jinx was all that you ever cared about. Glad he never paraded me out when you were still alive then. After all once you were dead, what would I care what happened?

I always use punctuation. That's hardly different.

[ All he ever ——

Of all the —— ]

Is that what you like to tell yourself, Vander? To justify all of it? That there was nothing I ever truly cared about?

How convenient for you. A tidy little story to justify every little crime you committed. After all, why would it matter if you killed me, it wasn't like there was anything I was working toward. It wasn't as if the sons and daughters of Zaun had someone willing to fight relentlessly for them.

Did it make you feel better, to be the only one mourning in the end? After all, I hardly had the opportunity, did I?

Of course, it's easy when it was clear I was always lying about what happened in the past. It's easy to hear what happened after and think that it was all simply greed. After all, nothing else could have forced our hands. The violence turned on us was nothing compared to what we could do to ourselves, is that it? That making something that can set us free, breathing even a gasp of that fresh air isn't worth it, because clearly the people working tirelessly do not care?

Do you want me to tell you that you're right? That I don't? Not about anything? It took you to teach me that sort of folly, didn't it? I don't, because that's hardly what Zaun needed. What Zaun needed was the sort of hand that could reign her in, and teach her to move forward. To let the past die, and become what she was always meant to be. Zaun didn't need someone to care. They had that already, and "Care" made her suffer. Do you want me to simply admit that all I've done is what is necessary? After all, I don't have the capability anymore, do I? I already know what it will lead to, after all.

That lesson was very thoroughly enshrined. You should be proud of yourself, Vander. You couldn't do it yourself, but you could make the monster necessary, instead.

I did spend a long time justifying my actions back then, saying it was for the greater good, that you deserved what I did, but there was blood on both of our hands. Back then, we lost sight of what we had because we were so focused on what we wanted. You won't believe me, but I regret what I did to you. I still regret what I did to you; more than the scar on your face, I took something from you that you've never been able to have again and that's... unforgivable. You made it clear that your goal was monsters to scare Piltover with. That's what you've wanted for a long time: to make other people afraid. One thing you forget: they were always afraid of us. Our better opportunity was to make them less afraid of us, but that could never be your tactic, so you sacrifice who we were, twisted us up, and yeah made us strong but at what cost? Zaun needed someone to fight, but not someone to rip out her parts at the same time.

You got your monster, Silco. That's the lesson at the cannery you wanted to teach me, and now I see how you pounded that lesson into whatever was left for years to come. Your doctor did exactly what you asked of him. I'm sure you even came up with a little name for me: Wrath of Zaun or something you could lean into your monster wishes. Ask our daughter about how I became everything you ever wanted if you don't know or don't remember. Piltover would have been terrified, just as you dreamed.

It's easy to blame me, isn't it? After all, aren't I that little inconvenient thing that you wanted to pretend was bad enough to be erased from existence? Even I didn't have the audacity to do that.

[ Well, isn't that something — ]

Whatever he did, it wasn't under my orders. I told you before, I didn't know what happened to your body. Your inability to believe me doesn't change the fact.

But go ahead. Spin your little tale. I'm sure it's a comfort to know I was just as terrible as you wanted me to be. It feels deserved then, doesn't it?

That looking glass must be real filthy for you not to see your own reflection in those words, Silco. Can we just admit to each other that we did shit things to one another over the years? And we'll continue to do those shit things because the hurt has gone so deep its festered? Let's do that and call it a day.

[Vander knew Silco actually had little benefit in lying. It made his deep hurt and anger and confusion easier to manage if he had a target for it. However, this would inflict more pain upon him, a fact that Silco would relish with the truth.

So. There was truth in the denial.]

Thanks to your doctor, I outlived you in some capacity. Maybe you'll meet the new me someday with the way this place comprises its missions.

Oh, you want me to admit to my crimes? That I was willing to kill you in the name of our dream when you lost your mettle? Certainly. Here is the difference between me and you. I do not feel "guilt" for what I did. I do not regret it. Why would I, when the truth was all so clear?

[ They would hurt each other. Over, and over again, wouldn't they? That's all that could exist between them, after all, wasn't that right? That twisted, knotted, rotted thing. Silco wanted to keep hurting him. Maybe it's because it feels right, maybe it's because it feels good. It feels good to hurt, maybe it feels good to find at least some way to interact again — but he would never admit it.

So he swipes back, to hurt just as much. ]

Perhaps I will. I wouldn't mind admiring the good doctor's work. It's a shame he kept it from me, but perhaps that is something to discuss with him, if he ever arrives.

After all, if he was going to do something with your remains, I'm sure it was a sight to behold. Was there even anything left of you, I wonder? You were dead, after all. No matter whether he revived you or not.

I wonder if you understood it. What had been done to you. I wonder if you hated being that thing. A monster.

Of course you don't regret it. Any sacrifice is worth the cost of Zaun, isn't it? All the sacrifices except one. It is a comfort to me to know that you hit the same end of the tether as I did back then. Don't regret me. What we have is too broken to be repaired.

[He couldn't see a path that they could walk that would end with either of them finding any point back to even civility. Perhaps they were only capable of hurting each other from now on. In that case, they should stop talking to one another, avoid each other completely.

They wouldn't. Vander wouldn't, and neither would Silco. That was the only truth either of them would probably accept.]

Apparently enough left to build off of at least. To build a monster. And apparently enough to remember some things, if Jinx is apparently hellbent on getting me out of it. Maybe if I become it, you'll know the answer to those ponderings of yours.

Who said anything about regret, Vander? I don't regret a moment of tearing you down.

[ Does he regret before? It's more complicated. He hates it. He needs it as fuel. What else is there, if not his hatred and anger, and his need for revenge? What would he have to motivate him? Zaun? Yes, of course, always that, but he needed the rest of it. Would he burn so hot and so bright if it weren't for that unquenched fire down at the bottom of the ocean, like lava seeping down in the depths?

He couldn't allow it to cool. Wouldn't. Not for anything.

It's why he reached out to fight. He couldn't stand the thought of getting a handle on this place without him to stop him. He'd come for him, eventually, wouldn't he?

He cuts back, though, doesn't he? Silco feels that fury, simmering underneath his skin. Jinx wanting to bring him back, get him out of it? She'd —

No, no. That's a lie. He has to be lying. Jinx looking to replace him, so readily? So easily? No. ]

Nice try. Anything to try and drive that wedge in, hm? I shouldn't be surprised, it must be so insulting to you that we're so close.

Maybe you should try a little harder, or come up with a better story.

No, I doubt that you do. I bet you relive that moment over and over in your head because it's one of the few recent points of joy in our relationship for you.

[He was willing to accept that as truth because of how much bad blood was between them. Or at least partially willing. He had seen and remembered the way that Silco had tried to appeal to their dream, to encourage him to come alongside with the Shimmer. It was only when he refused that it was clear that they had nothing more to say or do to one another but cause pain.

His acceptance was the only reason that he didn't march down to wherever Silco was hiding and punch the other man in the face. In fact, he had been extremely sedated when it came to hurting Silco physically, even if he did use his size and ability to take up space as an intimidation tool. Old habits and all.

Vander does actually laugh as he read the next part. Silco and his staunch stubborn paranoia.]

No, you're dead when she found me like that. She calls me dad and everything. Her and Vi still see me as their father even after what I've been turned into. And no, it's not insulting. I'm content knowing you two are close, that you have each other. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of that. That's what makes me the better man.

It's the only one, watching you die like the dog you are.

[ Pointed. Was there anything else left? Especially after being reminded thanks to Aphaia's little machines, it's all sour. Corrupted.

Rotted.

He's so angry, he can barely see straight. Vander hit him where it hurts, it's obvious. He wants to find a knife and remind him of it again, that one point of joy. Maybe if he killed him, he'd be able to remind Jinx about what kind of man Vander really was.

Were his lessons not enough? Had he not taught her well? Had she not understood? Had he not explained it well enough? What kind of a man he was? What he had done?

No, she understood.

Was it that she didn't care?

No, no. He's trying to do it. Driving that little wedge deeper, trying to do what he thought was right. Because this way he could get what he wanted. Silco sees how he gloats about it, seemingly neutral, a good, proud father.

Oh, but Silco sees it. He is not the fool. He knows better. ]

How kind of you, and yet you still try to gloat about such things.

Do you think me a fool? I see what you're doing. It won't work. No matter how much you try.

Besides, are you really the better man, when I've done nothing to intervene between you two? I've barely said a word to her about you two. Perhaps you should consider the fact that I've been practically magnanimous.

Isn't it telling, that you're trying to do this to me, specifically? Instead of towards her.

Try manipulating information to the one who isn't able to put the picture together, next time. You might have better luck. A little free lesson, just for you. Perhaps it will help.

Edited 2025-04-14 01:40 (UTC)

Yeah, watching you nearly piss your pants when I was on shimmer was a the only real joy of that moment for me too. When I close my eyes at night, I still smile about it.

[Now he knew his temper was rising, and he knew he was letting Silco provoke him. He knew that he should stop this and walk away, but there was something at the way that the other man battered at him in text that made him wonder something.

Why? Why now? Silco had free-access to this inbox and had only just now come. Was it the Kirk thing? Was it something else? Silco always had a reason for lashing out, and the other man knew exactly how to push many of his buttons.

And yeah, he was lashing out too. He was battering right back because he was hurt and angry and frightened about that monster, of seeing that he was going to exist in this experimented state that could tear people apart. It was like being back on the bridge in his fury and grief and wishing to die there with Felicia and... Silco. To just die full of bullets after inflicting pain on their oppressors one last time.

As the beast, he couldn't die. The damage inflicted by Vi hadn't even slowed him for long. Seconds. What if after that memory he killed them? Jinx had seemed so confident he could be saved. Even in death, he couldn't stay that way.]

It won't work, will it? It sounds like it's working if you're still storming over there. You've done nothing, hmm? Yeah, I've seen how much nothing you're willing to do. Remember how she said we couldn't stab each other? Yeah, me too, so we applied our cigarettes to each other instead. Rule of the letter, isn't it? You go to the line but not over, not with her. You can't risk losing her. She's your most important person, your world. I see the way you look at her, Silco. I see that you have nothing but Jinx in this place, so no, I will never stand in the way of you and her. I think that's a bridge you'll burn all on your own. And that's when I'll intervene.

[Try to talk Jinx back around went unspoken. He didn't want their relationship to fall apart. Silco, in all his paranoia, would probably read the last comment as a threat to steal Jinx. He wouldn't dissuade the man of the notion.]

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