cantilevers | Inbox (Etraya)

I know what your promises are worth. You should hardly bother with such worthless things.

[ Good, let's get away from that and back to what's important: verbally sparring and fighting because that's how you ignore the emotions, baby! ]

Oh, you would let me meet all your new friends? I wonder how that would go, hm? What an introduction you could provide, too!

Don't bother.

I won't with you. I've made promises to others that I intend to keep. This place may have other ideas with the way the missions are set up, and if I fail, well at least you'll have good company, won't you?

[He allowed the distraction from the point. He had said what he wanted to say already, and he knew that Silco would think about it later. The man was a ponderer, always had been. And he had already convinced himself that Silco didn't care, so his efforts were wasted after a few olive branch attempts.]

Sure, why not. I assume not well given your acerbic and insulting mannerisms. You tend to be a hard rock to swallow on first meetings, and I can see that hasn't improved with age. Yeah, can't burn a bridge if you don't build on in the first place. Good plan.

Edited 2025-04-17 12:48 (UTC)

[ Yeah!! He doesn't care!! He doesn't care so much he keeps belaboring the point bc he doesn't care!! ]

I will, perhaps if enough people finally understand your failings, I'll have someone to finally understand that you were always the type to promise more than you're willing to follow through with. At least if I promise something, I will not give up on it.

[ He's Never Ever Ever Ever giving up on this shit!! Ever!! ]

Oh, didn't you know? It's so much easier to never have had the bridge at all. Why would I bother?

[ He'd always been a loner, after all, except for the few people he kept close. At least when they were young. Now... Well. Can't get hurt by having friends if you don't make them to begin with /taps forehead ]

You couldn't sound any more like a spiteful bitter ex than you do right now.

[Vander knew that's exactly what they were too each other, and what had been a solid brotherhood was irrevocably broken. His actions then Silco's actions and now this constant fighting with each other. The wounds were too deep, and they just couldn't let it go.

And yet, he was reminded in that moment of staring at the text that he had saved Silco. Without thinking, without caring for the consequences to himself, he had used his body to shield Silco and take them out of danger. Then he had rushed back in. He didn't know why. ~~He did.~~]

Didn't you give up on the promise of Zaun to save Jinx? And there was that time in our twenties when you promised me a good time and we ended up getting shit-kicked by not only Chem-Baron thugs but then enforcers right after. Never did have that good time.

[Yeah, yeah, he was just trying to push Silco's buttons. He honestly should just stop texting, but if it was between bickering with the other man and being alone, he'd take bickering.]

That's the actual saddest thing I have read in a long time. You're actually here spazzing at me because you don't have anyone else, do you?

I don't really care what I sound like to you.

[ bitter ex???? Bitter Ex??????????? ]

Of course I didn't. I turned away from one path, not shut the door entirely.

Besides, didn't you knock the teeth out of no more than three thugs and four enforcers. What about that wasn't a good time?

[ no wait. DON'T pull him into this!! ]

I'm not doing anything like that. You're inventing things to fit your narrative.

[ pot, kettle ]

I think you do.

[He shouldn't be smiling, but he was. From aggravating to amusing in just a few short replies. He should just leave this well enough alone.]

Wow, that sounds like what I did. Imagine that. We are still similar in so many ways. They broke my nose, and I got blood on my new shirt. Besides, I might have knocked out a full pair of teeth from the lot of them, but you stabbed two thugs and two enforcers. Didn't we sleep in the alley that night?

[Yeah sorry, they were doing this.]

No? So you're just here for the last word then? Because I can go.

No, it's nothing like what you did. You were content to accept what they offered. One door being closed is not the end. If you think I would have backed off from my plans, you're sadly mistaken.

Oh, but I know it must sting to understand that I'm not like you. I would have made Piltover pay for what they did to us. Well, I suppose in the end, they did, didn't they?

[ He doesn't WANT to remnisc. ]

The thugs and the enforcers deserved it. Besides, it wasn't like that hole we usually slept in was much better.

[ GRINDING HIS TEETH. ]

Never mind. I see what you're trying to do. It won't work, or distract me.

Unless talking about old times is to disarm me for the next time you try to trick me.

[ Silco has never given up anything in his life. ]

Of course you're not like me. We're almost completely opposite on how we act, plan and maneuver ourselves. You have also been on the warpath of making Piltover pay since you learned of the disparity between the two cities. Don't mistake my protection of the Lanes as misunderstanding that I still would want Piltover to pay. I just know that the cost of blood of our people that it would take would make any victory sour. We'd sew as much misery as we tried to right the wrong of.

[Of course. Back then, who didn't deserve it? They'd be so young, cocky and certain of themselves.]

At least there was a mattress in that hole we slept in. Did I ever thank you for resetting my nose again back then? I'm still upset about that shirt. Never did learn to not wear white. And if it bothers you so much, why are you engaging? [Oh Silco, Vander actually groaned as he read that last line.] Trick you, how so? You think I'm capable of disarming you verbally these days? Come on, I know you're a paranoid realist.

And do they not deserve it? Who else is going ot make them pay? Who else is going to put an end to their control over us but us? That is the thing that you have forgotten. That the only way to do so is to fight for it. They will not hand it over, not with their profits and wealth on the line. Not with their own stability and peace.

[ Silco is always at his best when he's talking about this. Even now, even like this, he can't stop. He wants to keep going. It's comfortable. He'd always hoped...he could have swayed Vander. Reminded him of the fight, and the beast. If he could have had him turn his back on them. The enforcers. Topside. He does not trust him, but a small part of him even now wants to. ]

Can you really tell me that they were better? That the sons and daughters of Zaun weren't still trying to run jobs and eke out a meager existence? That they were not still forced to try and make do with what little they had, and that they wanted more? Have you even seen how the council lives? Not since Hextech, I imagine. They push their mines and their workers even harder, to keep up with instantaneous demand. Do you think you could have pushed back then? No matter how much we push back, they always ask for more.

For once, shouldn't someone have asked for more from them? Pushed back? It has a cost, yes. I've never denied that. We'll lose the lives either way. To the gray, to overwork, disease. I would rather die fighting than I would want to quiet and comfortable.

[ Not that he'd had a choice, but he had gone out fighting. For Jinx, in the end. The most important person. Zaun and everything that made it up crystalized into one person. She's... changed though. Without him. He can feel it. It nags at the back of his mind like thorns and burrs. ]

Don't twist it up. I said try. You already tried your little ploy for points, remember?

[ It's so much easier to believe that than...something else. ]

[Vander had heard this pitch before, and it made him sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose. Years ago he would have been enflamed with it, righteous fury and convincing charms to bring people around to be with them, to live this dream together. They could make them pay.

Then he'd experienced the cost full on. Still, he never denied that Silco was excellent at speeches, stirring up the emotions, convincing even. For a few moments anyway.]

Unfortunately, Piltover's control over us does need to come in part from Piltover itself. We have to negotiate with them, and part of negotiations is potentially not getting everything that we want. I know you were close with the Council, but don't you see? It was Piltover to come to the table and grant you what you wanted, not us throwing everyone on a pile to give them no choice. And to that end, we could have worked harder with Piltover to promote the betterment of our people. Clean air, clean water, better nutrition and support systems for the sons and daughters of Zaun could have been played and proved to increase productivity. We could have been smart instead of continually going for blood, which I will agree has its place when the bolder won't move uphill. But it also doesn't matter anymore, does it? The sun set on both of us, so it's no longer our fight. Independence lays with Sevika, Jinx, Vi, Jayce and everyone else who reside in Piltover and Zaun. We can only hope that our fight and our lessons bolster that push. We need to be mentors, Silco. We have nothing else. I suggest you trial that here.

[He made mental notes of all the subjects that Silco jumped over to nail the older man with later when he was back to feeling like he wanted to be an arse and fight.

Okay no. He still had a little left in the tank.]

Yeah, I bet I scored some points considering you're refusing to talk about it anymore. Getting under your skin, am I?

[ rip silco mentoring era now he's going to resist it on principle. }

Hah. Do you know why they came to the table? Because they didn't like the cost of war. That's all. They were afraid, Vander. Afraid of fighting, afraid of losing. They were afraid of us, because we were a threat.

[ Talis had said they wouldn't have won. Silco knows that they don't know what they had up their sleeves. Talis certainly didn't. They didn't know the weapon was finished. That they had Jinx. It wasn't just shimmer. It was everything else.

Silco, however, doesn't know about Noxus. Or didn't. he only has an inkling of it now. ]

Oh yes, independence lies with Sevika was it? [ Uh oh. Vi he already discounted. She was running around with an Enforcer. The very people who killed her parents. She was a lost cause. Jinx... Jinx was the only fighter left. (。_。) ]

The one who played their little game and ended up working with them, right? The very people that wouldn't give us the time of day? The council wouldn't even hear us, Vander. The only time they did was after we hit them. Repeatedly. Made them fear us.

Without Shimmer, without everything I've done, they would have still been happy to ignore us. Let us rot while they make Hextech and leave us even further behind. You never saw what it did. We were starting to get somewhere, wealth was spreading into the Lanes, people were thriving. Then Hextech came along, and they left us behind again. Pumped more runoff towards us as the price for their wealth.

They were never going to work with us. Ever. You can delude yourself all you want, but I saw what worked.

Yeah, I heard. At least one of them saw first hand what it was like killing children and it turned their stomachs, instead of their usual indirect actions doing the exact same. And you're being blind; they were always afraid of us. That's why they spent so much time "othering" us.

[Vander did know about Noxus because he had been told, and he knew for a fact that Noxus sliding into anyone else's business on the cusp of war was never going to go Piltover or Zaun's way. Neither of them were warring cities, but Noxus? That place made war an art. Of course, for him hindsight was his advantage.

And he had seen what was left of him become. Yeah, Zaun had its monsters, but they were wild and uncontrolled, hurting themselves as much as Piltover. That's the way it had always been. They simultaneously advanced and decayed at the same time.]

Apparently. You mentored her well enough I suppose, though she always had the right disposition but lacked the presence we did. Yeah well, from what I heard, there was a uniting situation that required the both of them. It seemed that working together to defeat a common enemy still had its place. They did what they had to in the end, and neither you nor I nor any that came before us did more than set up to eventual agreements. You saw what you wanted to see. I think the problem is that you never wanted to work with them any more than they wanted to work with us. You wanted to see them hurt, to experience a small fraction of the pain and suffering we endured. You wanted to see the fear in their eyes; do you think it would make you feel good for a few seconds? Or maybe you wanted them as miserable and isolated as you are so all that you endured felt justified. Anyway, we had a small thriving little community once. I doubt there's any more left to say.

Don't you see it? They were never afraid enough? Always just enough to keep us quiet, and meek. Just enough to keep us poor, and struggling. Yes, of course they feared us, but not enough to stay their hands. To keep them from finally giving us the respect we always deserved.

[ A part of him thinks that he should just come around, see it. Maybe it doesn't matter anymore — the thought lights in his mind, before he quickly dashes it, pushes it out. It still matters. He still — He focuses on the response instead. Refuses to think about it. Refuses to let his mind go down that path. ]

Oh, the small thriving community. The Lanes? While everything else rotted around you? Do you think the Lanes were going to be it, for me? You wanted them to be a harmonious little community, but what about the rest of it? The rest of us? It didn't matter to you, did it? Just the community of people who saw things your way.

Zaun was never going to be thriving under your watch, Vander. You were content to continue to live on runoff. Their runoff.

So yes, perhaps I would have liked to see them suffer, recognize how dependent they were on us. On our labor. On everything that we supplied them with to make them wealthy. Perhaps I did want to see them finally understand what it was that they did every day they woke up, and stepped over our backs on their way to yet another party, yet another meal where they threw half away.

The fact that you don't see that, the fac that you don't want that disgusts me.

They should be suffering for what they did. Then again, for someone who worked with them, why am I hardly surprised? You would have thrown away any of us to make sure that you kept the peace.

[ He used this against Caitlyn. He's using it now. ]

Honestly? I'm surprised you didn't let Vi hang for her "crimes". That would have been your usual method, wouldn't it?

[They've had this conversation before. Over and over. The same points, the same words battering him, the same argument. Silco was like a dog with a bone that couldn't quite process or cared to process his logic on how the events after the Day of Ash occurred.

He would have replied back with the usual defenses. Honestly, he was poised to type it back out again, knowing the result with be the same as the last time.]

[But then that one name jumped out at him. Vi.

It hit low. It hit hard. He was more unprepared for it than he expected.]

[He was immediately provoked. His temper flared, coming to life like a snarling growling beast that clawed its way up his throat and narrowed his vision.

Vi. His Vi.

After everything he had sacrificed for her. After spending the last five months missing her deeply, longing to talk to her, to apologize, to tell her he was proud of her....

His lips pulled into a snarl as he bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood.]

[He recognized that Silco was trying to provoke him, to rouse his temper, to keep the conversation rolling along. He knew he should walk away, turn off the earpiece, work the bag or do some push-ups until the anger was manageable.

He should.

He should.

He wouldn't.]

[He saw red as he began to type, not even bothering to correct spelling errors. He should hide his temper.

He should.

He wouldn't.

He knew that Silco would know. He knew Silco had already won this day, and it was only a matter of striking back to inflict a similar sized wound.]

Don't you ever talk about Vi like that to me again, you miserable seething little snake. You're only suggesting I'd sacrifice her because youre pissed off she's already so much beter than u could ever be. I'd give everything i am for those girls. Can you claim the same? No, you'r too busy carving out who Powder was to fill it with all your traumas and vitriolic hatred so she can never grow up because you know if she steps out from under you for one bloody second that she'll see how much of an angry sad little man that you are and maybe even pity you. she doesn't need u, silco. she stays with you because you've given her no other options and because she loves you and all u did was stunt her and you sacrifice her for zaun? no, you don't make sacrifices you make deals. people are currency that you play out in your little poker game of dictatorship. even jinx is just a piece in your war, your secret little weapon who you deploy to disrupt everything. u ever told her that you love her? bet not. sacrificing myself so vi could live is the greatest achievement of my life. i'd hang for her - for powder too - any day in any place

[ He's gotten what he wanted, hasn't he? Vander tried to hit him with this already, he already felt it, that near-thing, that dark little pit that wants to swallow him whole. This though, seeing him lose all the pretense, lose the control? He can see it. He can imagine how he feels right now.

It feels betterto cut him deep like that. It lets him ignore the loneliness a little longer. It lets him pretend that he isn't watching everyone move on without him. Oh, he says it, but...

For some reason, Vander's anger feels like a shield as much as a swipe.

He answers in a way he can. Dangling that in front of him. ]

Yet in the end, she went to Stillwater anyway. I wonder if it was for her crimes? You clearly couldn't have protected her, because you weren't willing to do everything possible, could you? You could have spared your kids so easily.

By just saying 'yes', but you didn't. How funny it is, that you didn't have the mettle to do the one thing that would have protected them. We could have fought topside together, and realize that dream. Your children would have been perfectly safe, but no. You couldn't stomach it. So don't give me that load of nonsense that you would hang for her.

You can't even say Jinx's name properly. You still can't. She's told you who she is, and when push comes to shove, you forget. When you lose your temper, you forget.

I already gave my life for Jinx. [ To Jinx. ] Instead you still try to drive that wedge.

And you call me a sad man, hm?

[Vander nearly scoffed behind the screen; they both knew that crime was arbitrary for Piltover at times and especially now that Grayson had been removed. Stillwater was where people went for some time because Piltover took them; otherwise, Zaun and Zaunites had their own versions of a justice system, rudimentary that it was.

And it did occur to him that if he had said yes, his children would still be alive and not in prison. He had played that scenario over and over in his head on the many sleepless nights. If he had just taken the offer Silco had made, things would be better. He knew it wasn't true. This was just a dig, and it increased his anger.]

Oh yes because you would be so benevolent if I agreed and immediately trusted me to fall in line, hmm? No those kids would be your hostages, and you'd keep them miles away from me so I don't step a toe out from where you wanted me. Instead of having my leash tugged by Grayson, it would be a strangulation by your grip instead. You'd send them to the mines, the factories, a brothel or just plain put them somewhere uncomfortable. You'd let me see them just enough to remind everyone you're in control. Spare them? Give me a break. I wouldn't put it passed you to kill them and just tell me they were still alive either. And you can't say Powder's name without disparaging it. She told me who you made her, but Powder is still part of who she is. She can be both; you and I don't get to decide that for her. And I gave my life for Vi. Imagine that: fathers giving their lives to their daughters. Practically twins. Except I came back. You can't say the same.

[ The grinding of his jaw. Would he have done that? Well, he had considered it, had Vander not fallen in line immediately. The children were useful tools, after all. All four of them. Although he suspected that Jinx would not have thrived, and perhaps... perhaps he would have identified her genius even then.

He deludes himself, of course. Of course he does.

He knows no other way. ]

She picked it, you know. Her name. I did not decree it, but she chose it. Which did she tell you was hers, after all? Was it the other? Or was it her name? You can take issue all you wish. With who she is, or how she was raised, but I could care less what you think of her. Perhaps someday she will understand that your opinion was never worth much.

[ She's his, after all. His daughter. Vander keeps trying, but Silco only had her.

And Vander again digs in. About this supposed ressurection.So you want to convince me. Do you remember it? Or is it, for some reason, that you still have not been given a picture of who you were? She mentioned the doctor.

I wonder if there was anything truly left of you? Or if this is just a delusion you cling to, instead of facing the truth: you are still a dead man. Same as me.

The great equalizer. You'll never be back, will you? Or else Sevika would have told me that.

[ No she wouldn't, but she was too calm, too. ]

[It actually did not surprise Vander that Powder picked it. A part of him blamed himself for not telling Mylo to lay off of her more often, but kids pushing each other around verbally and physically was part of growing up in the undercity. It stiffened one's spine, and he considered that Vi had it handled.

He had been wrong apparently. Too much harm, too much weight of that overwhelming situation that left them all irreversibly changed.]

And how much of that name did you push once she chose it? How much of her identity did you build for her while she was traumatized. She told me about the explosion, and we both know how those kinds of actions dig deep in someone.

[Vander had the memory from Jinx to go from. That beast had eventually recognized them both, passive and protective in their presence. However, it had been non-verbal, and then Sevika... she had been so convinced the beast wasn't him. Jinx convinced it was. Vi wanting to believe.]

Enough of me that Jinx and Vi believe there's hope. Even now, Jinx says they intend to get me out, whatever that means. So, if we will never be back, all we have is here.

[ Silco doesn't see it in the same way. He never had. Was it digging in while she was traumatized? What an accusation. They had both been broken. Broken by abandonment, their mistakes, broken by tempers that flared, and while Silco had never needed a new name — his had too much weight, too much link to the past to ever give it up — Jinx's had been a shackle. Holding her back, keeping her from moving on as she needed to.

No, this was not manipulation, like Vander thinks. Of course he would think that. She'd been giving up him, too.

She thinks there's hope for Vander. Silco disagrees. A fancy, a flight. She'd lost one father, so she clings to the hope of another. That must be what it is. Irrational. ]

If the doctor is involved, he is not so lax. He's a very thorough man.

So enjoy this being your last breath, your last chance at life. No wonder you cling to what little you have so tightly.

[ As if he doesn't do the same? No. No. Not that. His is different. ]

[There is was again, like a sore thumb sticking out of the conversation. With Silco, it was often not what tantrum the other man was throwing but the things unsaid that were the real targets. Lesser people would just assume that there was nothing left to say, but Vander had been in the sphere of Silco's influence for decades so each time Silco didn't address an obvious barb from him, it meant that the older man didn't wish to discuss it.

Vander was picking out each and every one of those topics, filing them away to utilize at another time. They knew each other too well, knowing their tells and willing to weaponize them. He knew it was unhealthy, but if there was one person that could stand toe-to-toe with him, it was Silco. It was not an admittance or respect that he gave lightly anymore.

Case in point.]

Well, you know him best, I suppose. From what I observed, thorough is a word to describe him. I'm glad we had this talk and discovered our similarities again. Just two old guys who have outlived their potential and have passed on to the background of the lives of those closest to us.

[And that's it. Vander closed out the conversation. Unlike most people, he saw no point for the last word. He knew Silco wouldn't stand for it, but he had no reason to come back even when Silco inevitably came back.]

Maybe for you. I don't find things to be as hopeless as you do, clearly. Not that I expected anything different. You enjoy being the one who can say they gave up hope, since it absolves you of guilt, don't you?

[ He doesn't voice it much, but he's alive here. That's something. Maybe there's a way back, or maybe he'll have to work from the shadows, but if Vander thinks that Silco will have given up his shot at influence from here, he's wrong.

Then again, when has Silco ever let go of anything?

But there you go Vander, always, he's seeking the last word. :) ]

Inbox (Etraya)

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Text; 1/?

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Text; 5/5

Text; im sorry this is just twisting the knife now

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