cantilevers | Inbox (Etraya)

Don't you see it? They were never afraid enough? Always just enough to keep us quiet, and meek. Just enough to keep us poor, and struggling. Yes, of course they feared us, but not enough to stay their hands. To keep them from finally giving us the respect we always deserved.

[ A part of him thinks that he should just come around, see it. Maybe it doesn't matter anymore — the thought lights in his mind, before he quickly dashes it, pushes it out. It still matters. He still — He focuses on the response instead. Refuses to think about it. Refuses to let his mind go down that path. ]

Oh, the small thriving community. The Lanes? While everything else rotted around you? Do you think the Lanes were going to be it, for me? You wanted them to be a harmonious little community, but what about the rest of it? The rest of us? It didn't matter to you, did it? Just the community of people who saw things your way.

Zaun was never going to be thriving under your watch, Vander. You were content to continue to live on runoff. Their runoff.

So yes, perhaps I would have liked to see them suffer, recognize how dependent they were on us. On our labor. On everything that we supplied them with to make them wealthy. Perhaps I did want to see them finally understand what it was that they did every day they woke up, and stepped over our backs on their way to yet another party, yet another meal where they threw half away.

The fact that you don't see that, the fac that you don't want that disgusts me.

They should be suffering for what they did. Then again, for someone who worked with them, why am I hardly surprised? You would have thrown away any of us to make sure that you kept the peace.

[ He used this against Caitlyn. He's using it now. ]

Honestly? I'm surprised you didn't let Vi hang for her "crimes". That would have been your usual method, wouldn't it?

[They've had this conversation before. Over and over. The same points, the same words battering him, the same argument. Silco was like a dog with a bone that couldn't quite process or cared to process his logic on how the events after the Day of Ash occurred.

He would have replied back with the usual defenses. Honestly, he was poised to type it back out again, knowing the result with be the same as the last time.]

[But then that one name jumped out at him. Vi.

It hit low. It hit hard. He was more unprepared for it than he expected.]

[He was immediately provoked. His temper flared, coming to life like a snarling growling beast that clawed its way up his throat and narrowed his vision.

Vi. His Vi.

After everything he had sacrificed for her. After spending the last five months missing her deeply, longing to talk to her, to apologize, to tell her he was proud of her....

His lips pulled into a snarl as he bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood.]

[He recognized that Silco was trying to provoke him, to rouse his temper, to keep the conversation rolling along. He knew he should walk away, turn off the earpiece, work the bag or do some push-ups until the anger was manageable.

He should.

He should.

He wouldn't.]

[He saw red as he began to type, not even bothering to correct spelling errors. He should hide his temper.

He should.

He wouldn't.

He knew that Silco would know. He knew Silco had already won this day, and it was only a matter of striking back to inflict a similar sized wound.]

Don't you ever talk about Vi like that to me again, you miserable seething little snake. You're only suggesting I'd sacrifice her because youre pissed off she's already so much beter than u could ever be. I'd give everything i am for those girls. Can you claim the same? No, you'r too busy carving out who Powder was to fill it with all your traumas and vitriolic hatred so she can never grow up because you know if she steps out from under you for one bloody second that she'll see how much of an angry sad little man that you are and maybe even pity you. she doesn't need u, silco. she stays with you because you've given her no other options and because she loves you and all u did was stunt her and you sacrifice her for zaun? no, you don't make sacrifices you make deals. people are currency that you play out in your little poker game of dictatorship. even jinx is just a piece in your war, your secret little weapon who you deploy to disrupt everything. u ever told her that you love her? bet not. sacrificing myself so vi could live is the greatest achievement of my life. i'd hang for her - for powder too - any day in any place

[ He's gotten what he wanted, hasn't he? Vander tried to hit him with this already, he already felt it, that near-thing, that dark little pit that wants to swallow him whole. This though, seeing him lose all the pretense, lose the control? He can see it. He can imagine how he feels right now.

It feels betterto cut him deep like that. It lets him ignore the loneliness a little longer. It lets him pretend that he isn't watching everyone move on without him. Oh, he says it, but...

For some reason, Vander's anger feels like a shield as much as a swipe.

He answers in a way he can. Dangling that in front of him. ]

Yet in the end, she went to Stillwater anyway. I wonder if it was for her crimes? You clearly couldn't have protected her, because you weren't willing to do everything possible, could you? You could have spared your kids so easily.

By just saying 'yes', but you didn't. How funny it is, that you didn't have the mettle to do the one thing that would have protected them. We could have fought topside together, and realize that dream. Your children would have been perfectly safe, but no. You couldn't stomach it. So don't give me that load of nonsense that you would hang for her.

You can't even say Jinx's name properly. You still can't. She's told you who she is, and when push comes to shove, you forget. When you lose your temper, you forget.

I already gave my life for Jinx. [ To Jinx. ] Instead you still try to drive that wedge.

And you call me a sad man, hm?

[Vander nearly scoffed behind the screen; they both knew that crime was arbitrary for Piltover at times and especially now that Grayson had been removed. Stillwater was where people went for some time because Piltover took them; otherwise, Zaun and Zaunites had their own versions of a justice system, rudimentary that it was.

And it did occur to him that if he had said yes, his children would still be alive and not in prison. He had played that scenario over and over in his head on the many sleepless nights. If he had just taken the offer Silco had made, things would be better. He knew it wasn't true. This was just a dig, and it increased his anger.]

Oh yes because you would be so benevolent if I agreed and immediately trusted me to fall in line, hmm? No those kids would be your hostages, and you'd keep them miles away from me so I don't step a toe out from where you wanted me. Instead of having my leash tugged by Grayson, it would be a strangulation by your grip instead. You'd send them to the mines, the factories, a brothel or just plain put them somewhere uncomfortable. You'd let me see them just enough to remind everyone you're in control. Spare them? Give me a break. I wouldn't put it passed you to kill them and just tell me they were still alive either. And you can't say Powder's name without disparaging it. She told me who you made her, but Powder is still part of who she is. She can be both; you and I don't get to decide that for her. And I gave my life for Vi. Imagine that: fathers giving their lives to their daughters. Practically twins. Except I came back. You can't say the same.

[ The grinding of his jaw. Would he have done that? Well, he had considered it, had Vander not fallen in line immediately. The children were useful tools, after all. All four of them. Although he suspected that Jinx would not have thrived, and perhaps... perhaps he would have identified her genius even then.

He deludes himself, of course. Of course he does.

He knows no other way. ]

She picked it, you know. Her name. I did not decree it, but she chose it. Which did she tell you was hers, after all? Was it the other? Or was it her name? You can take issue all you wish. With who she is, or how she was raised, but I could care less what you think of her. Perhaps someday she will understand that your opinion was never worth much.

[ She's his, after all. His daughter. Vander keeps trying, but Silco only had her.

And Vander again digs in. About this supposed ressurection.So you want to convince me. Do you remember it? Or is it, for some reason, that you still have not been given a picture of who you were? She mentioned the doctor.

I wonder if there was anything truly left of you? Or if this is just a delusion you cling to, instead of facing the truth: you are still a dead man. Same as me.

The great equalizer. You'll never be back, will you? Or else Sevika would have told me that.

[ No she wouldn't, but she was too calm, too. ]

[It actually did not surprise Vander that Powder picked it. A part of him blamed himself for not telling Mylo to lay off of her more often, but kids pushing each other around verbally and physically was part of growing up in the undercity. It stiffened one's spine, and he considered that Vi had it handled.

He had been wrong apparently. Too much harm, too much weight of that overwhelming situation that left them all irreversibly changed.]

And how much of that name did you push once she chose it? How much of her identity did you build for her while she was traumatized. She told me about the explosion, and we both know how those kinds of actions dig deep in someone.

[Vander had the memory from Jinx to go from. That beast had eventually recognized them both, passive and protective in their presence. However, it had been non-verbal, and then Sevika... she had been so convinced the beast wasn't him. Jinx convinced it was. Vi wanting to believe.]

Enough of me that Jinx and Vi believe there's hope. Even now, Jinx says they intend to get me out, whatever that means. So, if we will never be back, all we have is here.

[ Silco doesn't see it in the same way. He never had. Was it digging in while she was traumatized? What an accusation. They had both been broken. Broken by abandonment, their mistakes, broken by tempers that flared, and while Silco had never needed a new name — his had too much weight, too much link to the past to ever give it up — Jinx's had been a shackle. Holding her back, keeping her from moving on as she needed to.

No, this was not manipulation, like Vander thinks. Of course he would think that. She'd been giving up him, too.

She thinks there's hope for Vander. Silco disagrees. A fancy, a flight. She'd lost one father, so she clings to the hope of another. That must be what it is. Irrational. ]

If the doctor is involved, he is not so lax. He's a very thorough man.

So enjoy this being your last breath, your last chance at life. No wonder you cling to what little you have so tightly.

[ As if he doesn't do the same? No. No. Not that. His is different. ]

[There is was again, like a sore thumb sticking out of the conversation. With Silco, it was often not what tantrum the other man was throwing but the things unsaid that were the real targets. Lesser people would just assume that there was nothing left to say, but Vander had been in the sphere of Silco's influence for decades so each time Silco didn't address an obvious barb from him, it meant that the older man didn't wish to discuss it.

Vander was picking out each and every one of those topics, filing them away to utilize at another time. They knew each other too well, knowing their tells and willing to weaponize them. He knew it was unhealthy, but if there was one person that could stand toe-to-toe with him, it was Silco. It was not an admittance or respect that he gave lightly anymore.

Case in point.]

Well, you know him best, I suppose. From what I observed, thorough is a word to describe him. I'm glad we had this talk and discovered our similarities again. Just two old guys who have outlived their potential and have passed on to the background of the lives of those closest to us.

[And that's it. Vander closed out the conversation. Unlike most people, he saw no point for the last word. He knew Silco wouldn't stand for it, but he had no reason to come back even when Silco inevitably came back.]

Maybe for you. I don't find things to be as hopeless as you do, clearly. Not that I expected anything different. You enjoy being the one who can say they gave up hope, since it absolves you of guilt, don't you?

[ He doesn't voice it much, but he's alive here. That's something. Maybe there's a way back, or maybe he'll have to work from the shadows, but if Vander thinks that Silco will have given up his shot at influence from here, he's wrong.

Then again, when has Silco ever let go of anything?

But there you go Vander, always, he's seeking the last word. :) ]

Inbox (Etraya)

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Text; im sorry this is just twisting the knife now

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Text; you never have to apologize! 💖

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