Inbox (Etraya)

[cantilevers]

Text | Voice | Video | Action

Comments

[jinxs]

...

(he's not wrong - 'he's your dad, too', as vi put it. as jinx herself put it.)

You'll end up hating me, Vander.

[cantilevers]

This list for me to hate you is remarkably short, I assure you. You can tell me anything you want, and I'll listen.

[He expected he owed her that much, wanting to build trust between them. She'd already shared about Isha, which was knowledge he coveted.]

cw hallucinations & mental illness

[jinxs]

You think they died, but they haven't. They're whispering in my ear all the time, bossing me around, telling me how to think, how to feel. I guess I deserve it, on the account of the murdering -- but you weren't there, Vander. You didn't get to see Vi squeeze my cheeks and yell at my face, loud and clear - 'I left you home because you're a jinx', and that's the last I heard of her until I was grown. It wasn't Silco, not really, who made Jinx, it was Vi -- and you think she's alive. Powder this, Powder that, everyone just wants damn Powder. For a while there, I thought maybe people from my past could love me like they used to - even if I'm so different. Then you showed up at home, and now things are... Different, again. Like a cycle, it just keeps getting different, everytime I blink - and you love us. Maybe you could-- maybe you would, because you're different there, too. But... You, you? You don't know Jinx. I just told you I caused the explosion, and you're-- you're fine? You don't hate me? You didn't scream at me?

How screwed up is that, Vander? The list to make you hate me is remarkably short? You never left, too. I heard you, all the time, too. You're thinking of Powder, but just like Vi, when you really realize she's gone, you'll leave me.

Don't. Don't leave me.

[cantilevers]

[He remained quiet on the other end of the earpiece, simply letting her talk and tell him about the voices, her changes. It was... rather a mess. He couldn't understand all of the nuance behind it, but he could understand her pain, her torment, her struggles. It made his heart ache for her, want to wrap her in a hug and hold on tight until she had a moment of peace.]

You know, I don't have to agree with the choices that you make, but I will always love you. You say that Powder fell down a well and died, but I think Powder evolved and you can be whoever you want to call yourself. You aren't one or the other or a mix. You're just you, and that's enough for me.

And I'll tell you one thing that I want you to remember: I will love you even when you won't or can't love yourself. I'm your dad, and my love isn't conditional.

[jinxs]

... Yeah. You better make sure it stays that way.

(she doesn't mean to threaten, but she knows how she is, how she can be. it's a fact, rather than a knife pointed to his throat.)

I'm tired, Vander. Just so... Tired.

[cantilevers]

Oh, threats now, hmm? You did that once when you were little and I thought your tongue was going to choke you right after.

[He said that to prove that she hadn't changed as much as she thought she had. He believed she was just like the rest of them: a person who had been molded by the terrible tragedies of her life.]

Sorry kid, the exhaustion only gets worse once you're forty.

cw .... i guess talking like dying like its nothing....

[jinxs]

Hmmm. It's not choking me now - I'm serious, Vander.

(confident, even!)

Hah! Like I'm gonna make it till I'm forty.

[cantilevers]

Are you? Well, consider me thoroughly threatened, Jinx.

[He sounded amused, playful even.]

I thought the same thing when I was... wait, how old are you now? Eighteen?

[jinxs]

(take her seriously!!! man!!! ugh, dads.)

Yeah. Well, let's see. Ah, since you're definitely gonna ask me - everyone else is alive, too. I mean, kinda. Probably. Everyone else you cared for, at least. Like Ekko.

[cantilevers]

Kinda? Probably? You are not filling me with confidence here.

[jinxs]

Give me a list.

[cantilevers]

What kind of list?

[jinxs]

Of who you cared for. I'll tell you.

... I'll just tell you everything, now.

(she held back because she didn't want vander to know what she had done. there's no reason not to, anymore. she's deeply saddened, afraid, but she's breathing.)

[cantilevers]

Jinx that's... that's an impossible list. I cared for everyone in the Lanes. I had work buddies from the mines. I could list their names, but I'm not certain you'd know them all.

[Vander was a social person, he liked having friends or at least acquaintances. The list would be long.]

[jinxs]

(oh, yeah. vander was popular as hell. it's no wonder he has a statue and everything.)

Who do I know, from that time? Sevika, Silco, the stupid Chembarons, Ekko, that idiot, good for nothing Marcus, and... Vi, but I told you that last part, and the first two, you can ask yourself.

[cantilevers]

I expect the Chembarons have changed heads since I was around. [He did pause to think.] Babine, Jericho, Howard, Gert, Huck... [It should be obvious he's ticking people off on his fingers because the list goes on and on and on of business owners, regulars to the bar, street gang kids. If she doesn't interrupt him, he'll be at it for a few minutes straight.]

[jinxs]

(she's just listening - does she even know these people? maybe she does, probably so, but not enough to make an impression on her. damn, he was popular. she can say she knows like, 5 people, tops, that she is around.)

Nope, none of those.

[cantilevers]

As in none of them are alive or you don't know who any of them are?

[jinxs]

No idea who these people are, Vander. Or I don't remember, I don't go out a whole lot. Really live to work, you know? Super workaholic, that's me.

Also, get here. I'm tired at not looking at your face. This thing is annoying.

[cantilevers]

So the list you do know is actually the people you already listed out to me.

[That was... well, he supposed he was going to assume most of them were alive and just miserable or at least living afraid under Silco's rulership.]

Are you asking me to your apartment?

[Please do NOT ask him to figure out video function, Jinx. He managed text to voice, but it's asking a lot for another jump in format.]

[jinxs]

... Yeah, pretty much, though Ekko and I are definitely not friends anymore.

(to say the very least.)

Yeah, just come. Ugh, apartment, I hate this place. Miss my place. It was great. Had all my shit in it, was up and high, and now I'm like a jailed bird in this style-less room. I hate it.

[cantilevers]

What are you and Ekko now then?

[They had always seemed to get along. Ekko fit right in with his little horde of kids anyway.

At the offer, he was doubtful.]

Are you sure that won't cause problems for you if I do?

[jinxs]

... Great question.

(now? now, now? she hasn't seen him in a good while, not since he broke the hell out of her nose. he probably hates her even more, considering the explosion attempt.)

Enemies. He hates my guts.

(and he also made her life so damn difficult.)

I'm never in trouble, Vander.

[cantilevers]

Hmmm, I'm not sure I believe that, but you've seen him more recently than I have.

[He squinted and yeah he might be bringing himself to feet, but that reply was... oh Janna, this was the parenting style was it?]

You know that's problematic, right? You're not expecting 'unexpected' company today?

[He had no idea how often Silco came around to Jinx's place. If he was found there, he knew it would land him in trouble but as long as it was him and not Jinx, well, he'd risk it. He made his way down to her room and knocked on the door.]

[jinxs]

(she only gets 'unexpected company' when she's up to some shit, and lately, she hasn't been, so, it's fine, on all sides.

her room has been decorated the only way she knows how, grafitti and several dooddles, the smell of paint and crayon stuck to the walls, and she's doing some more monkeys and names to the wall when she hears the knock.)

Yeah, yeah. Get in.