Inbox (Etraya)

[cantilevers]

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[jinxs]

i
did it vander.
i
did
it
it was ME
I
DID IT
i
did
it

be mad at ME
yell at ME

ill fix it
ill just
ill fix it.
im sorry vander

action; cw uh surprise drugs???

[ascarylady]

[ He might be shocked to know the feeling is mutual. No matter how much Silco would love for her to put Vander down for good, it won't be something she'll do intentionally. That said, she's about to play a real dangerous game.

Sevika was expecting Vander to charge. She's ready for him, for when he turns to try and slam into her. She's quick to slip sideways, around to his back, and that's when she reveals the big reason she arrived here directly from the hospital. Strapped to her side under her poncho? A series of syringes. She snatches one out of hiding as she slides past, aiming to slam it into his back and inject.

If she gets him, he won't find himself affected immediately, but it will inevitably turn out to be a sedative. She's had to guess the safe dosage for someone Vander's size. She's pretty sure she's figured it out. After all, she has enough experience handling drugs by now, right? ]

[cantilevers]

You did, yes. I am going to assume you didn't mean to kill anyone. If you did, this turns to a different conversation.

You can't bring them back, Jinx. But at some point, you either have to learn to put it to rest or you'll drive yourself mad trying to fix everything that comes after.

What is it that you will fix?

[jinxs]

(it's very hard to talk to her when she's like this, as vander will find eventually. she spent her life with that moment whispering in her ear, their voices taunting, putting ideas in her head, but while it is much quieter now, they still sneak their way back in on occasion.

she just has a little better handle on it.)

whatever i can.

[cantilevers]

[Text loses a lot of nuance, and he was perceptive enough to know this was not ideal for either of them.

I'm going to call you, okay? It is up to you if you pick up.

[This is stretching his current knowledge of the earpieces, but he does manage to switch from text to making a call.]

Jinx?

[jinxs]

(she does pick up, although there's no voice other than breathing on the other end. it'll pass soon, but right now, she's listening rather than speaking.)

[cantilevers]

[He listened to her breath for a few seconds and issued a low rumbling sound he used when they were very little.]

Hey, are you alright over there? I can come over if you would prefer company.

[jinxs]

... No, I-- I'm fine.

(not fine, fine - but she doesn't want vander to see her, doesn't want to see disappointment.

rejection - even if it doesn't come, the fear in itself is petrifying.)

[cantilevers]

You don't sound fine. You sure you don't want company? We don't have to say anything.

No matter what any of us have done or not done, I'll always be your dad, Jinx.

[He didn't call himself dad a lot, usually going by name.]

[jinxs]

...

(he's not wrong - 'he's your dad, too', as vi put it. as jinx herself put it.)

You'll end up hating me, Vander.

action;

[cantilevers]

[His momentum prevented him from changing course as she slipped around his back, but he was experienced enough to drop his shoulders and roll them down and to the side as they moved passed each other. He was expected a punch to the back of the head, not a syringe full of drug which scored a hit enough that some of the sedative injected into his muscle. He twisted away from it, muscle tensing enough to snap the metal off.

Yet, he whipped around to try to seize her poncho but with full intent of grabbing the material below that layer as it was likely to be more stable. At the same time, his left hand swung to charley-horse her thigh, using every advantage of having a long reach if he could.

So, she believed she could only win with sedatives, huh? Or she wanted him down to take her time killing him. Or to allow Silco the opportunity.]

[cantilevers]

This list for me to hate you is remarkably short, I assure you. You can tell me anything you want, and I'll listen.

[He expected he owed her that much, wanting to build trust between them. She'd already shared about Isha, which was knowledge he coveted.]

action;

[ascarylady]

[ With the needle snapped, Sevika dropped the syringe immediately and made a move to reach under her poncho again, presumably for another, but the way Vander whipped around to grab it jerked her off-balance and her window to stick him again had passed. She had bigger problems now. ]

Rrgh!

[ One free arm meant only being able to deal with one dilemma here. She would have to leave her leg to that bruising grip to grab for her poncho instead. It got pulled up and over her head, letting it loose and revealing that she did indeed have several more of those syringes taped to her side. It was a dirty way to fight, but Vander had guessed correctly. She knew her chances against him. She needed to even the playing field. ]

cw hallucinations & mental illness

[jinxs]

You think they died, but they haven't. They're whispering in my ear all the time, bossing me around, telling me how to think, how to feel. I guess I deserve it, on the account of the murdering -- but you weren't there, Vander. You didn't get to see Vi squeeze my cheeks and yell at my face, loud and clear - 'I left you home because you're a jinx', and that's the last I heard of her until I was grown. It wasn't Silco, not really, who made Jinx, it was Vi -- and you think she's alive. Powder this, Powder that, everyone just wants damn Powder. For a while there, I thought maybe people from my past could love me like they used to - even if I'm so different. Then you showed up at home, and now things are... Different, again. Like a cycle, it just keeps getting different, everytime I blink - and you love us. Maybe you could-- maybe you would, because you're different there, too. But... You, you? You don't know Jinx. I just told you I caused the explosion, and you're-- you're fine? You don't hate me? You didn't scream at me?

How screwed up is that, Vander? The list to make you hate me is remarkably short? You never left, too. I heard you, all the time, too. You're thinking of Powder, but just like Vi, when you really realize she's gone, you'll leave me.

Don't. Don't leave me.

[cantilevers]

[He remained quiet on the other end of the earpiece, simply letting her talk and tell him about the voices, her changes. It was... rather a mess. He couldn't understand all of the nuance behind it, but he could understand her pain, her torment, her struggles. It made his heart ache for her, want to wrap her in a hug and hold on tight until she had a moment of peace.]

You know, I don't have to agree with the choices that you make, but I will always love you. You say that Powder fell down a well and died, but I think Powder evolved and you can be whoever you want to call yourself. You aren't one or the other or a mix. You're just you, and that's enough for me.

And I'll tell you one thing that I want you to remember: I will love you even when you won't or can't love yourself. I'm your dad, and my love isn't conditional.

[jinxs]

... Yeah. You better make sure it stays that way.

(she doesn't mean to threaten, but she knows how she is, how she can be. it's a fact, rather than a knife pointed to his throat.)

I'm tired, Vander. Just so... Tired.

action;

[cantilevers]

[Vander knew that even with drugs in his system, all he had to do was actually catch Sevika. He had the height, weight and strength to be overwhelming, but he was slower on his feet compared to her. The key was catching and he had about ten minutes to get that done before whatever she had pumped into him would probably affect him.

And the fact that she had come prepared with several dosages. Was it enough to kill him if she injected all of them? Perhaps. He'd have a bad day regardless.

He reached to snatch one of the syringes off of her side, expecting they could both play that game if that's how she wanted it to go. If he could get one, he'd be slamming the needle and depressing the plunger into the thigh he had in his other hand.]

[cantilevers]

Oh, threats now, hmm? You did that once when you were little and I thought your tongue was going to choke you right after.

[He said that to prove that she hadn't changed as much as she thought she had. He believed she was just like the rest of them: a person who had been molded by the terrible tragedies of her life.]

Sorry kid, the exhaustion only gets worse once you're forty.

cw .... i guess talking like dying like its nothing....

[jinxs]

Hmmm. It's not choking me now - I'm serious, Vander.

(confident, even!)

Hah! Like I'm gonna make it till I'm forty.

action;

[cantilevers]

[Vander had taken an apartment that had been offered as soon as his Shimmer high had run its course. He had discovered where Sevika, Silco, and Jinx were staying by virtue that they couldn't help themselves in the usual tells, so he had chosen a place well away and on an upper floor. After all, he could probably survive the fall if it came to the ambush eventually.

He had picked up a work out routine again, both because he had nothing better to do to fill the time and because he saw a lot of fighting in his future. He hadn't exactly let himself go, but he hadn't dedicated the same amount of efforts as when he had been a youth. It was time to change that and return to form now that it seemed that fighting for Runeterra was the goal. That and it cleared his head for planning his next moves.

He paused in his push-ups at a knock on the door. Warily, he rose and walked to the door, grasping the kitchen knife he left there and hid it behind his back as he slowly turned the handle and opened the door wide enough to be able to see who was there.

Caitlyn Kiramann? He blinked and opened the door wider to check if Jayce was with her as well. No, just here. She looked... nervous.

Automatically, he leaned his shoulder on the door and his smile was warm and meant to be contagious.] To what do I owe this pleasure, Caitlyn. Come in. [He opened the door wider by simply leaning back with it, allowing her entrance to his sparse apartment. It wasn't like he owned anything but a single set of clothing.]

[cantilevers]

Are you? Well, consider me thoroughly threatened, Jinx.

[He sounded amused, playful even.]

I thought the same thing when I was... wait, how old are you now? Eighteen?

[jinxs]

(take her seriously!!! man!!! ugh, dads.)

Yeah. Well, let's see. Ah, since you're definitely gonna ask me - everyone else is alive, too. I mean, kinda. Probably. Everyone else you cared for, at least. Like Ekko.

[cantilevers]

Kinda? Probably? You are not filling me with confidence here.

[jinxs]

Give me a list.

[cantilevers]

What kind of list?