[ It's not quite guilt what he feels about what happened. It's more quiet acceptance about the death of the bus driver. Maybe, he feels something about accidentally getting a man killed by trying to stop him from killing a monster - who he thought was a woman at the time. But as with everything, it's complicated.
But he draws away from those thoughts to repeat back: ]
Boys day out.
[ A soft noise. ] I know what I'd be punished for, but it doesn't have anything to do with her. [ A pause. ] I let someone down. Someone that really mattered to me. I can't even say that I'm sorry, but sometimes... an apology is only meant to make you feel better. You know?
[Vander laughed at the idea of a boys day out. When was the last time he had one of those? Years, he supposed.]
Be nice to have one of those. Nice booze, maybe some food, games and maybe paint each other's nails.
[He hummed in acknowledgement and condolences. He knew what that was like, so Murphy had his sympathy on that front.]
I do know, yeah. Maybe that's why most of us are here: we let someone or someone's down. I've been there too, so... [He trailed off, not about to delve into details for now.]
... you might be right. We might be here 'cause of that reason... but I don't think we're being given a chance to make up for that mistake. We're given the chance to not let someone else down.
[Look, they can be manly men and still walk around with painted toenails.]
No, I agree with you. It seems we're here to whim and pleasure of Sleep, yet she forces us to perform more than a fair share of self-reflection, doesn't she?
Yeah, need something that brings out the colour in your eyes.
[He hummed in agreement. He experienced his own frustration that he wasn't able to process on his own, but have to endure it being flagrantly brandied about.]
Worse when it might be public spectacle in dream form.
My eyes, huh. I'm gonna be honest... I'm not sure what color they are.
[ He never really took that much time to look in the mirror. One time, he knew, but that sort of information fell by the wayside. It wasn't important. It feels like a weird thing to say, but hey - at least he knows his hair is brown? ]
That's such a man answer. How do you not know what colour your eyes are? Are you allergic to mirrors?
[A man answer said from another man. He was more bemused about this information about Murphy than he was confused. He would make a point to lean in close to study the other man's eye colour the next time that they met face-to-face.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2026-03-08 05:32 am (UTC)[ It's not quite guilt what he feels about what happened. It's more quiet acceptance about the death of the bus driver. Maybe, he feels something about accidentally getting a man killed by trying to stop him from killing a monster - who he thought was a woman at the time. But as with everything, it's complicated.
But he draws away from those thoughts to repeat back: ]
Boys day out.
[ A soft noise. ] I know what I'd be punished for, but it doesn't have anything to do with her. [ A pause. ] I let someone down. Someone that really mattered to me. I can't even say that I'm sorry, but sometimes... an apology is only meant to make you feel better. You know?
no subject
Date: 2026-03-08 05:13 pm (UTC)Be nice to have one of those. Nice booze, maybe some food, games and maybe paint each other's nails.
[He hummed in acknowledgement and condolences. He knew what that was like, so Murphy had his sympathy on that front.]
I do know, yeah. Maybe that's why most of us are here: we let someone or someone's down. I've been there too, so... [He trailed off, not about to delve into details for now.]
no subject
Date: 2026-03-08 05:43 pm (UTC)[ But he does quiet down. ]
... you might be right. We might be here 'cause of that reason... but I don't think we're being given a chance to make up for that mistake. We're given the chance to not let someone else down.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-08 06:07 pm (UTC)[Look, they can be manly men and still walk around with painted toenails.]
No, I agree with you. It seems we're here to whim and pleasure of Sleep, yet she forces us to perform more than a fair share of self-reflection, doesn't she?
no subject
Date: 2026-03-08 06:43 pm (UTC)[ He hums, irritated but thoughtful. ]
Yeah. And I'd like to reflect on my own time and not because of someone else...
no subject
Date: 2026-03-08 07:25 pm (UTC)[He hummed in agreement. He experienced his own frustration that he wasn't able to process on his own, but have to endure it being flagrantly brandied about.]
Worse when it might be public spectacle in dream form.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-09 01:47 am (UTC)[ He never really took that much time to look in the mirror. One time, he knew, but that sort of information fell by the wayside. It wasn't important. It feels like a weird thing to say, but hey - at least he knows his hair is brown? ]
I'll find a way to kill her if she tries it.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-09 04:53 am (UTC)[A man answer said from another man. He was more bemused about this information about Murphy than he was confused. He would make a point to lean in close to study the other man's eye colour the next time that they met face-to-face.]
Pretty serious, and I don't blame you.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-09 03:08 pm (UTC)[ A soft hum. ]
And... think that's good for our therapy session?
no subject
Date: 2026-03-09 07:44 pm (UTC)[No, he won't. He's just joking and has no intention of making it weird.]
Yeah, thanks for the check in. Next time we'll get together. Take care of yourself.