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[cantilevers]

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[cantilevers]

[Vander listened quietly to the story that was weaved, and it sounded like a harrowing encounter with far too many large-scale close calls. While Kirk was maintaining a monotone as usual, there was something in the retelling that struck him as deeply sad. He thought that Kirk deserved better, especially from a friend, but then again... well, such an argument could be made by a few people who had associated with him too.

Some of the details flew over his head, but he understood the beats enough to know it was a fight. He could assume that his encounters with Kirk leaving bruises on his body would equate. He expected he knew how this story ended, and it didn't need to be spelled out to him unless Kirk needed to for his own sake of finishing out the personal tale.

He shifted so that he could rest his shoulder on Kirk's in a show of silent support.]

Jealousy can poison a person to their core. I'm sorry that you had to endure that, especially with someone who you had put so much trust into in the first place. Betrayal like that... [He trailed off a moment, his jaw working as he remembered the Pilt that day.] ...it leaves deep scars. Thank you for telling me, Kirk. I wish it had been a different way.

[In so, so many scenarios.]

CW: Mention of suicide

[godsandbats]

[Kirk’s grief has been quiet but always present since the battle at the tower. Most of the time, he tries to bury it and act like it’s not there. Recollecting it like this is making that grief so much more real. Kirk isn’t sure he likes it]

So do I. He left behind a lot of unanswered questions.

[Kirk’s body is tense as his last memories of Will run through his mind]

Taunted me one last time but I chose not to bite him. Will’s machines were destroyed and we had him cornered.

[Kirk blinks, thinking back again on Will’s last words. He finishes his story with a quiet and sad tone]

Maybe… Maybe Will understood that poison in the end. “It’s funny how things can change so quickly. After a while, you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.” Then he told me to forgive him. He killed himself after that.

[cantilevers]

[Maybe they were kindred spirits when it came to grief, not that Vander was one to admit it openly. It seemed to him that Kirk had had more time with this grief, and he had no doubt that this incident had contributed to the other man spending so much time in this lab and the tower in the first place. Yes, the condition, but he was struck by the sadness that radiated off of Kirk at this point in time.

He felt the sadness mirrored in his own person, and instead of looking at Kirk, he tipped his face up to stare at the ceiling as the other man's words continued to wash over him.]

We all change as a result of our experiences, and sometimes... lashing out is the only way to deal with one's own regrets and pain.

[His left hand moved to stroke the black brace covering his right forearm in a habitual gesture when he too was thinking of certain subjects.]

Did you ever forgive him?

[godsandbats]

[An uncomfortable silence hangs in the air as Kirk thinks]

… I still don’t know.

[Kirk knows it’s a meek answer. His ways of coping so far haven’t involved emotionally unpacking everything nor left room to think about forgiveness]

[cantilevers]

[He nodded his head, contemplating quietly beside Kirk. There was a lot to unpack there, probably more than he would have during this visitation with the other man.]

That's fair. He did terrible things; maybe he's not deserving of forgiveness. He certainly seemed to absolve himself of taking responsibility for his own actions.

[He sighed and finally looked at Kirk next to him.]

Thank you for trusting me with that part of your story, Kirk. You're a strong man, and I hope that you don't regret trusting those who you have allowed close to you again.

[godsandbats]

[Meanwhile, Kirk is still not comfortable to look back at Vander]

I suppose so. It seems I don’t have much luck with humans, even when I was one.

[cantilevers]

[He noted the continual refusing eye contact, and he didn't press. That's likely part of Kirk's coping mechanism when facing off against painful memories. He knew more than a few people who were the same back home.]

Well... I'm human. [For now anyway.]

[godsandbats]

[A soft huff]

Right. It’s part of why I keep saying you spoil me.

[cantilevers]

[He lightly elbowed Kirk in the ribs.]

I thought I spoiled you because I let you neck me whenever you are hungry.

[In more ways than one. Maybe they both needed the escapism, though perhaps he was the only one between them that recognized his own tactics.]

[godsandbats]

[A corner of Kirk’s lip twitches]

That as well. You’re a strange human to be friends with, Vander.

[Though he’s certainly not complaining]

[cantilevers]

Am I? You probably wouldn't be the first to think that about me.

[There was opportunity to ask what made it strange, but he purposefully let the opportunity pass without question. If only Kirk knew the dangers of being friends with someone like him, but wasn't that just the same with many people? Their capacity to hurt wasn't just a human trait at least.]

[godsandbats]

That probably says something about you.

[All said in monotone but maybe it’s a slight tease too]

[cantilevers]

It probably does. Maybe I just come from a place with a lot of sentient species, so nothing about this is particularly odd. Or maybe I'm just aggressive about my friendships.

[He had no doubt it had nothing to do with either of those things. In fact, perhaps a shared deep sadness that they bottled up most of the time was the likely cause of their friendship and continued association.]

[godsandbats]

“Aggressively friendly” would explain a lot about us.

[And Kirk doesn’t regret letting himself open up to Vander so far]

[cantilevers]

Well, you sort of just capitulated to save yourself long term suffering of trying to resist. I'm used to being the aggressor.

[He and Hernan were kind of alike for that.]

[godsandbats]

[That almost gets a smile out of Kirk]

You wore me down with your extroverted personality.

[cantilevers]

You mean you surrendered into friendship because the alternative was a losing long-term fight I would win anyway. You saved yourself a lot of energy, promise.

[And it seemed to him that Kirk desperately needed friends, especially now that he knew about the Will and Tina part of his life. Loyalty was important, and Kirk was a nice guy. Awkward but nice.]

[godsandbats]

[Kirk huffs a short laugh. He’s heard that kind of talk before. It seems he has a type when it comes to close friends]

Clearly. Taking a little bit of your blood just makes us even.

[cantilevers]

[Vander forced the tension out of his shoulders when Kirk laughed, shifting his stance purposefully to be more welcoming and warm rather than simply respectful and attentive.]

What's a little blood between friends, right?

[godsandbats]

I suppose that’s one way of looking at it.

[Kirk finally look back at Vander, feeling a lot less tense now]

You volunteered after all.

[cantilevers]

I did, and I haven't had cause to regret the decision either.

[It was what he could do to help after all.]

[godsandbats]

It helps I’ve been trying to careful. Have you ever allowed yourself to be bitten like that before? Not just nipping.

[Kirk is curious and has noticed how much biting seems to be a turn-on for Vander, even when it’s a harder bite]

[cantilevers]

You would be the first one I willingly allowed to take my blood, if that's what you mean.

[He knew that Kirk was probing towards his kinks, and he decided to make the other make a little bit for it.]

I suppose I've been bitten by razorfins, rats and other little critters before too. That counts, I guess?

[godsandbats]

Somewhat. Those sound like hazards to living in your hometown.

[Kirk’s eyes glance at his neck]

I mean erotically.

[cantilevers]

There are hazards in everyone's hometown. I've actually been bitten more in fights now that I think about it.

[He glanced at Kirk, corner of his lips twitching up.]

Oh. Yeah, I like it. I had a partner where that was their go-to form of affection.