We all do things we have to that some might look down on us for, yeah. But some are worse than others and I don't know, from this end Silco seems a whole lot worse to me. [Vander wasn't wrong that they were all monsters but she was not going to put Vander and Silco in the same box. it wasn't that black and white.]
You tried to kill him and if he wanted to kill you in return then yeah, I get it. Why should he forgive you? [Maria didn't think Silco should have to forgive Vander for that. he could hate him all he wanted and Maria would think that was justified. but she was drawing a line at everything else.]
But I'll stay safe. I talked to him and I don't think he had any idea who I was. Not sure anybody knows we know each other. I never mentioned it. [Maria had been protective of her life here. very private, mostly because she was afraid of losing it. the best way to lose something was to treat it as something that couldn't be lost. take it for granted.]
I'm not strong at all, Vander. We both know that. But I'm not totally helpless here. If I play useless, pointless, then nobody's ever going to consider me as anything more than that. [she smiles at him and finally takes a drag from the cigarette, letting the smoke out slowly.] I meant what I said. I can take care of you and I will, Vander. I'm not letting you go without a fight.
And I think you've needed to hear that. Needed to hear someone tell you that.
[Maria couldn't fix his pain, couldn't even take it away. but she could acknowledge it, could see his flaws, and want him despite all of that.]
That's undercity politics. [He didn't hold that against Silco. Change was coming for the Lanes one way or another because he was either in Stillwater or dead; apparently he couldn't even do either of those.] My kids didn't deserve what they suffered. They were never part of the feud, and he waited for them...
[He shook his head, trailing off as he gathered himself and began to neatly pick and fold those raw emotions back up to stuff them in the box that he kept them in. He was still raw, felt the chafe of lacking any control whatsoever in this place and even his own life if what Powder told him was even remotely true.]
Good, tell him nothing about us. [Vander was also an insanely private person and not just because of Silco. He had failed in his relationship before, and he was scared shitless he would do it again if it was out in the open. He preferred what they had quiet and simply theirs.] I've never mentioned it either. I like that this is just ours and ours alone.
[He shot Maria a skeptical look about her lack of strength. He didn't believe that for a second; he had seen her strength and resilience and marveled at it.] You are strong; you have skills that others underappreciate that's all. You could twist people up with words and make them walk away thinking they earned a great deal. [He watched her, reaching up to stroke his fingers through her hair.]
The last people who wouldn't let me go without a fight are dead... or injured. [There was this fleeting impression of sorrow and pain and Jinx screaming. He blinked it away and focused on Maria.] So... you're going to be my partner in crime then, are you?
Sorry, I don't think I'm going to accept killing children as just part of politics. Call me crazy. [while her words had a teasing quality to them, she wasn't trying to turn the mood around on them. Vander was hurting and he never let himself show that hurt. he buried it deep down and sometimes Maria could catch glimpses of it. but if she forced him to do anything, or tried to anyway, it wouldn't work. Vander would retreat. it was important he'd talked to her about this much and Maria cherished that honesty. it might not be good for him to go much farther into it anyway. she hugged him, her cheek against his and murmured close to his ear:] I'm sorry, Vander. Your children deserved a chance. They'll have a place in my heart, too. [Maria had been using a lot of tactics to sway Vander to her but for once, this was not one. she loved children and wanted to protect them. it pained her to know these children could not have been protected and that even Jinx had to suffer as well. Maria would be keeping a closer eye on her as well.
there are many things she could say about keeping quiet about their relationship. when is it ever a good sign a man doesn't want people to know about you? but not the time or place. certainly not the right place. it's better if they don't broadcast their partnership. not if Vander has a mark on him and Maria can't physically do much for the man. she leans into his fingers in her hair, her eyes searching his face before they lower, heavily lidded as she hums.]
I am your partner in crime. [she pulls him closer to her, so his head can rest against her chest.] And if you really believe in my strength that much, you're going to have to believe in me keeping us going. I won't die so easily, Vander. Kind of hard to keep me down. Literally.
I know. In any power movement or violence, children are always somehow harmed the worst. Snuffing out the future is the worst thing any of us could ever do. [He was wholly serious; he had lived a lifetime of this. He had felt the sting of the boot or strap upon his back, lived under the fear that an Enforcer having a 'bad day' could mean being beaten or shot to death. He had seen Chem-Baron gangs sweep through and grab those they considered strays, stealing them away to join or die. He had watched gang wars snuff out innocent people just scraping by. Yet, all he could do was nod his head at her hugging and remaining close; even now, this remained a painful subject despite time apparently going by.] They took their chance, and it crushed them. They deserved so much more... and I couldn't give it to them.
[He could tell that Maria was being authentic with her words, and he looked at the side of her head.] Do you... have children? By blood or adoption? [It wasn't something anyone readily asked in this place, and yet it seemed important somehow at this very moment.]
We're going to make this work, make this place better. For us. For them. [He rolled with her pull, easing off of her so they were precariously balanced on the bartop. He nestled his cheek against her breast.] This relationship isn't all on you, Maria. It takes fifty-fifty effort. We give as much as we take; that's how this is going to work. You fight for me; I fight for you. [He huffed a sound of amusement.] Apparently death is an inconvenience here, but I don't think either of us die easily...
Children are easy targets. [it's a painful and harsh fact of the world.] It happens in my world, too. It's disgusting. [and anybody who would hurt a child to get to the person? they were disgusting. Maria couldn't look past this with Silco. no matter what Vander had done to the man, it didn't excuse hurting a child.] This isn't a matter of what you couldn't give, it's a matter of what someone else took away. Focus on that. Don't beat yourself up when you're not the villain here.
[his question makes her pause but she does answer. there's a sense of sadness and longing, a hint of love there that isn't hers but she feels nonetheless.] No. But there was a little girl I wanted to know better. She really needed someone. [her heart still aches when she thinks of Laura. of how alone she must have been after losing Mary. but no matter what, Maria would never get to know her. all she would have were Mary's love and memories for the girl.]
You do realize if you're going to fight for me then that means no running. Not trying to rub salt in the wound but I need to remind you. You mean a lot to me, baby girl. I'll fight for you, I'll take on your struggles as you take on mine. We're in this together and I'm not the type to back down without a fight. [at the topic of death, she sighs.] I've had a good run on not dying. We'll see if I can keep it up.
Yeah... [He nodded his head, expecting that it was a fact that spanned worlds, timelines and even universes. He stroked his fingers over her cheek and through her hair, moving to comfort her through physical contact. He hummed, but he also had difficulty seeing it that way. Over and over he was blamed, told he couldn't or wouldn't take responsibility for his actions or lack of.] I'll always be the villain of his story. I'll always be the failure, the monster, the murderer....
[He nodded his head, the tether providing him extra information of sadness and longing. He felt for her that there was a child she wanted to know and wasn't able to garner opportunity for that.] Do you... have someone like that here? [Perhaps not a little girl but someone who Maria wanted to know and care for.
He winced at her reminder, pulling away so that he could sit up on the edge of the bar. He rubbed his fingers through his hair, musing it as he glanced back at her.] Yeah, we're in this together then, and if he or anyone hurts you... I can't guarantee that I'll bother to stop myself. It could cause... issues, but I figure if anyone hurt you first, all's fair in love and war. [He rubbed the back of his neck.] I think I died... no, I know I died but didn't. I think I became something else... something horrible.
Of his story. A big difference there, handsome. [she says softly, complimenting him while trying to comfort him. and maybe he was. Vander had hurt Silco, perhaps broke apart his world. if Silco had hurt Vander in isolation then it would be different. he had brought his children in and Maria couldn't accept that. her eyes are soft as she meets his gaze.] You hurt him but he hurt many others. More like a child throwing a fit than a man getting vengeance if you ask me. [Maria wasn't about to downplay that Vander did wrong and she didn't think that's what Vander wanted. but Maria couldn't say the two things were the same. that what he had done meant that innocents deserved to simply be victims as well. no, she couldn't agree to that.
his question hits her and she decides to joke.] Do I have a child here? Is that what you're asking? [she knows what he is and for once, she avoids that particular line of questioning. that subject, well, it's a bit delicate isn't it?
and especially when he calls it love and war. there are many types of love, aren't there? and it doesn't have to mean anything. but god does it mean everything to her. she only kisses his cheek in reply to that particular sentiment. if she opens her mouth then she is afraid of what will be said. what she might do. and right now, her feelings for this man aren't what should be the focus. his pain and his fear, that's what she wants to help with. she wants to be able to comfort him. it was what she had promised him. Maria swings her legs to sit next to him, her legs hanging over the bar.] You don't think you really died then, do you? Not for good.
Yeah well... he has his own life now and I suppose I have mine. It's hard to steer clear of him entirely. [They both wanted to have opportunities to spend time with Jinx and clearly opposed the other doing so on some level. He was not interested in putting her in the middle, and yet, he also felt he had to stake his claim to some of her time if she was willing to provide it.] I'm concerned about how vengeful he is or can be. There's never a slight he won't repay someday even if it is weeks, months or years down the line.
[He looked at Maria from where he was sitting, noting how dodged around actually answering him. He supposed if she recalled the girl she wanted to be close to and could not, it was unfair of him to ask her about things in Somnia. It just seemed like this was a different opportunity.] I know you don't have one of your own unless you're not telling me something. No, I meant... do you have a youngster that you're attached to here?
[He turned his head as she sat up and slipped to sit on the edge of the bar with him. He made a point of curling an arm around the small of her back, holding her close for the time being. This day had been tremendously exhausting on an emotional level. He hung his head on his neck, shaking it a little.] I don't know... Shimmer saved Jinx from the brink of death. There's this thing that I can't effectively describe, but it casts this shadow over who and what I feel like I am.
[especially if Jinx was in the picture. Maria had wanted to help, especially since it seemed like Jinx liked her. with Silco in the mix, his feelings about Vander? well. this was harder. and it was hard not to run into someone here. Maria didn't say anything but she decided she'd try to help where she could. some meddling here and there that couldn't be tied back to her as easily.] Better the devil you know, Vander. And you know this one. You were like brothers, yeah? And you have me with you. You seem to have a lot of faith in my strength or that different when Silco's in the picture? [he could eat his words or try to look outside of the box he'd placed himself in. see the freedom.] Well, I'm not letting it be like that.
[Maria knows it isn't fair to not be open with him. not if he was bearing his soul to her right now.] There's not that many kids here. But there are some teenagers here. I met your Jinx and then there's Sharon. I do feel a little protective of them even if I know they could hold their own better than I could.
[Maria feels comforted by the skin on skin contact. she can't help but lean in closer as she rests her head on his shoulder. it had been a tiring day and Maria could feel how exhausted he was. she certainly hadn't helped. and now this talk of death and everything...] Like an instinct? Or some deep drive in you?
[It was true that Silco was the devil that he knew, one that had mutually been created thanks to the environment where they grew up and the lashed out at each other. They would tangle over and over again even when they did not want to, which meant he needed contingency plans to mitigate some of the damages that they could and would inflict on each other.] Yeah, I know him well. [He glanced at her for the question, eyebrows draw together.] I've always had faith in your strength, and he's certainly not going to change that opinion of mine.
[He nodded his head; there were teenagers that were apparently older than some of the adults and adults that acted younger than the teenagers. That was just the times they lived in.] Yeah, those two are a thing with each other. I figure they'll go the distance. [He nudged her lightly with an elbow.] We need to teach you some combat, do we?
[He shook his head even as he turned it so that he could kiss the top of her head. He was exhausted, yet still wound up.] Like this force I can't control, and it doesn't let me go even when I've suffered significant damage...
[it's really there on the tip of her tongue that it did almost change his opinion of her so called strength. he'd almost left her. will that bitterness end? she hopes so and tells herself it must. Maria doesn't want anything to fester between her and Vander.] Then we'll be okay. You'll be okay. You got me as your bodyguard, yeah? [a joke slips in because seriously, they need it.
Maria hadn't realized it was Sharon that Jinx had a crush on.] Oh! That's who Jinx was trying to make sure I didn't fool around with. Geesh, she's a little young for me. [seriously, Jinx.] I was only good for two things: taking my clothes off and being completely helpless. I am very good at them, you know about the first pretty well by now. But I'm a little too good at the helpless bit. [and she didn't want to drag anybody down, certainly not Vander.] You can teach me some combat and then we'll have even less to worry about.
[Vander talks like it's a possession of some sort. the kind of demonic things you hear about in scary stories. Maria knows it isn't quite that but it sounds similar.] You feel it there? In you?
[He sensed her disquiet through the tether and turned his head to regard her. It felt like a black mark slithering along the bond that they shared.] Say it. [He didn't want her to feel like she had to hold back with him, even if it was to rehash something he may have said or done in the past. He wasn't interested in letting it fester.] My hero. I feel safer already, okay? [He did, knowing she had his back.]
Yeah, she sometimes forgets people are mind readers. [Yet he provided Maria the most intense side-eye one could imagine in a situation like this.] She's too young for you? I think our age difference is rather larger than the one you would have with Sharon. [It didn't bother him at all; they were both mature and consenting adults and she fit so well into his life and vice versa.] I don't consider you helpless; you've always contributed when we've done things together. Though, everyone should learn how to defend themselves.
[He inclined his head, having no other way to describe it. That thing had always been there since he was a boy, but he'd learned to control it. Sometimes. Most times. Now it was evolved into something more.] Yeah, something like that. Waiting to burst to the surface if I'm not careful.
Call me crazy but I don't think every thought I've ever had should be said out loud. [and why keep beating the dead horse? Vander had made a mistake and Maria needed to let it go. not hang onto it. not when he wanted to make things better.] Yeah, we'll see how safe you feel when I break my hand trying to throw a punch but I'll do it for you, baby girl.
[Maria smirks.] Sharon's a teenager and us? Adults. I'm a grown ass woman knowing exactly what I've signed up for. [his age hardly ever registered to her. a bit of a surprise when he told her and that was about it. if she was honest, she was kind of into it. liked knowing the experience and years he had on her. like he could really take care of her.] Yeah, I've contributed but put me up against something that could kill us? Well, I'll try my best.
[now talk about a warning. if anything, he sounded like a man with anger issues. like it was anger that bubbled up from inside of him and threatened to take him over. that's what had happened to Silco, hadn't it? and even when he'd fucked her just now, it'd been harsh and angry. yet Maria wasn't worried. he'd learned a lesson, Maria thought, and she'd pushed him into their sex before. she fanned his flames.] Hmm. [she takes her hand and puts it where his heart is.] Is it there right now?
I agree with you, but the thoughts that are bothering you, I'd prefer to hear out loud. [They were generally very good about communicating with each other, but this was also the first incident of tension that they had experienced as a result of each other. They would be stronger for this, of course, because they had dealt with it and residual tension was expected.] If you break your hand throwing a punch, your instructor taught you wrong or you're not following directions. [Well, microfractures still happened and hitting something too hard...]
Nah, we consider them adults at that age where I'm from. Both are good girls, gun shy about some stuff it seems. [Maria did know what she was signing up for and she had signed very quickly on the dotted line. He didn't care about the age as much as long as Maria was happy with being close to him. They were both old enough to make decisions best for themselves and each other.] We protect each other, that's what matters. Do you know how to use any kind of weapon?
[Vander was a man with anger issues, or at least he had leaned into those when he was much younger. He had suppressed a lot of it after the fall out with Silco, and he considered himself much calmer now than way back then. He looked at her hand over his heart and shook his head as he took her hand and moved it lower to rest more over his belly.] No, but when it comes it's here. It welled up from here, but also... feels like it crawls up my spine.
Yeah? Is that what they call 'open communication' or something? Thought that was just a myth. [a small joke before she shakes her head.] I'm not going to be mean when you've apologized. I think that's what they call getting the fuck over it. [Vander didn't deserve it.] Well if you're teaching me then that blame will be on you. [or whoever else decides to teach her.]
Being open about your emotions like that when you're young and still learning isn't easy. Can't blame a girl for not wanting her heart broken. [Maria understood it and maybe that was why there were still some grey areas with her and Vander. them always circling around something but right now wasn't the right time to talk about that.] I used a gun a while ago and I had a cleaver with me. Preferred the gun, though. Jinx gave me one.
[her fingers spread on his stomach carefully and listened to him. Maria didn't know what he was describing but she wanted him to know she was hearing everything he was saying.] Something spreading until you're entirely drowned in it?
It is, yeah. See, you're learning something new and fun about healthy relationships through this brief and sexy discourse. [He teased her right back, making it light hearted so he could show her that he wanted to know but also that they could still have fun. There was no harm done between them on his side, and he hoped he could mend things with her.] Ah, I see. That would be shooting that apology in the foot yeah. [He snorted a laugh.] True. We'll use a pillow first for learning. Then my open palm.
[He hummed in agreement. He knew they had both been hurt before, knew that Sharon and Jinx had also been hurt and keeping things on the safe side.] No, I agree. Emotional investment is a big risk for anyone, and it's important to guard your heart for someone that makes you better, not worse. Never shrink yourself to fit into the whims of a lover is what I say. [He nodded his head, expecting that Maria was best at range. It was important to know how to punch.] You still have the gun she gave you?
[He nodded his head at her description.] It's... worse now than before I died. It feels bigger, darker, scarier. Like something else is living in my skin with me. [He glanced at Maria.] Scary, right?
[it had been rather brief, hadn't it? now that she looks back on it. at the time, Maria had felt like time was slower. that the ugly feeling inside of her about him would cover them. and now it was gone. remnants here and there, but gone. a disagreement solved, talked about. what a concept.] You do got big hands so it'll be an easy target.
[he had good advice and after everything he'd been through, she assumed he spoke from experience.] And there's enough people in the world who would prefer to see you go down than go up. [but Jinx and Sharon could help each other so she believed in them.] I do. I don't like using it, though. It was nice of her to give it to me and I'm afraid of losing it. [maybe it was silly.
it is scary, Maria thinks. for him. she looks to him and then presses a kiss to his shoulder and then his cheek, her hand still on him.] Being in a place like this doesn't help. Some people are monsters. [she was one of them but she'd always been a monster.] It doesn't make it better but you know I'll help you, right? Whatever's going on, you have me at your side. I'll help you through it.
[He smiled at her, pleased that they had overcome this. Heck, they were potentially closer to each other because of this, and he felt calmer now that the emotion was winding down. They were moving on to something else productive: personal defense.] See? You're already looking on the bright side of punching.
[He nodded his head in agreement; some people took out their own personal misery on others by punching down rather than hitting upwards at the source of their issues.] When you're poor or middle class, they do a good job aiming us at each other so we don't take the time to know we're in that position because of the oppression above. I just... want them to be happy, to have a bright future. [He wanted to help them acheive that future, as a parent often did with their child.] Well, it will be a good defense for you. We know this place is dangerous. You should practice with it.
[He sighed heavily, shifting and looking down at himself, pants still down around his thighs and her almost as much of a mess as he was.] Yeah, which is why I think it's... changed. This place gave it form, though I can't be certain. [So far, they were not connected by more than a thread.] I know I do, and I appreciate that. You've got my back, Maria. Though... maybe we should clean ourselves up?
I'd like the same for them, too. Though any place that doesn't try to pit the weak against each other is practically a utopia. Happens where I'm from, too. [Maria didn't know if that brighter future could be here or what that could mean. and although Maria did want better for them, she didn't know how to give that to them herself.] I know. I will. And Jinx gave it to me to use. I just don't want anything to happen to it. But you're right. How can I help bring a better life if I'm not even doing anything with my own?
[they are a mess and at his question, about cleaning themselves, she moves off the bar to start getting her dress off as she stands in front of him. unzipping it and letting it fall, standing there naked for a moment. the mess down her thighs plenty obvious. before she steps closer.] If it was given form then you're not alone. Enough people like that are here and we can learn more. [she bends over, helping to take off his shoes and then his pants as she smiled.] Everything feels scarier right now but who you really are? Is the man right before me. Scared of hurting someone he cares about, wanting to make a better place for the children he cares about, and not wanting to take a chance to let the same mistakes happen. [she leans in and kisses him softly and then leaning down to press kisses along his thighs.] And that's all that matters to me.
Yeah, that seems to be the way of the worlds, isn't it? I like to think we can build something better here. It just requires managing agendas, I think. [He nodded his head, aware that Maria would hang on to the firearm. He had used them himself, though they were not his weapon of choice. It was simply important to know one's way around it to avoid being shot or to defend someone else.] I want you to be safe and to use that weapon to keep others safe. I like to think Jinx would want that as well. She clearly thought enough of you to give you a firearm.
[He eased to his feet though went no further than that as he spotted her undressing, and his attention was diverted to that. He was struck once again how absolutely beautiful she was, distracting him from the darker topics that they were currently discussing.] Yeah, it seems that people called Offerings by Sleep are afflicted with some sort of monstrous form.... [He didn't want it to be true for himself, but it actually explained that feeling that he had about that darkness inside of him having mutated and morphed.] Have you always been this reasonable when stripping a man? [He lifted a foot then the other so she could help him out of his clothing. He leaned back against the bar again as she kissed his thighs.] What do you say to a nice warm bath, hmm? I'll rub your feet.
We going for optimism? [Maria erred on the side of wanting to give Sleep a real chance but she didn't think that was going to be easy. though things felt manageable with Vander. possible. but she wasn't certain if that would only be pressure for him or encouragement. both?] I did feel like I got somewhere when she gave me that gun and it does feel like a waste to not use it. Not like she gave it to me to use as decoration, right?
[Maria wanted him to be able to talk, to let out all of the darkness and sadness inside of him. he deserved that. though god was it tempting to distract themselves both from it. which was usually what they were doing and though they had talked plenty about more serious topics, she knew his heart was still hurting. from his row with Silco, from having to see what he was capable of even with her...
but she wanted him happy.] I'm an Offering too, you know. And it's a little too on the nose for me but hey, I see you. And I'll always see you. [she presses a kiss to his thigh before teasingly biting there softly.] You always spoil your partners when trying to placate them?
I think we should. What does pessimism do for us? [Vander thought that this place had potential, not that he actually had an option. It seemed that he was finished as he knew of himself, though Jinx had told him there was a life after his death in a sense. He wanted to make the most of this place; he had to and thought Maria would do that with him.] And skills need training and practice, yeah? We can go out and set up some old bottles or something for targets.
[And on that end, Vander wanted Maria to feel safe and comfortable enough to talk to him, open up on what she had been forced to endure before she arrived here. They had something good, and his previous points of panic were actions he would have to soul search on but also never allow to happen again. He wanted her to view him as steady and reliable, which that behaviour would not impress upon her.
It was dangerous. She said she would be by his side regardless.
He smiled at her.] I know you are. It makes me pleased that we are both Offerings, honestly. Another aspect of this place we can share understanding on. He stroked her face with a hand, humming softly.] Always, yeah. That's acceptable to you?
Never been one for that stuff either. [Maria would say she was still a realist, she'd always understood what she was up against no matter what. but what could you do? cry and give up? that wasn't who she was and she didn't think it was who Vander was either.] So we'll work on my self-defense skills and you won't see me coming back all ugly, handsome. [since obviously, that was the concern.
they'd woken up in this dream together and instantly clicked. Maria would always appreciate him for that. the first person she'd ever talked to. who had seen her. she moves her head to kiss the side of his thumb before standing up and grabbing his hands to pull him to her.]
No, I can't imagine that you would be. There's always something to live for, right? [Both of them were realists it seemed, leaning towards confidence that their worlds could be better, were better with them in it.] Well, there's something very sexy about a lady with blooded knuckles, I will admit. [He leaned in to kiss her lips softly.] And no matter what happens, you could never be ugly.
[He smiled at her kissing, pushing off the bar that he had been leaning on so he could bend down to scoop her up under the arms and up into his own. He kissed her cheek and began to walk away towards the back of the club where he decided he would take advantage of this facility.]
Good. Now let's get you a bath and I'll try to even fit in there with you. [He'd fail and there'd be water all over the floor, but the effort mattered.]
Even when it isn't always obvious. [and many times it wasn't. not that Maria had ever had much of a choice. she'd always come back. but even if she had...well, Maria thinks she would have continued to keep trying. keep surviving. it was who she was.
when Vander lifts her up, she wraps her arms around his shoulders. her smile fond and soft.]
My knuckles might just get roughed up when I keep on fighting for you so I guess you have that to look forward to. [she leaned in and kissed his cheek again, nuzzling hers against his before resting her head on his shoulder.]
And just so you know? I liked that back there. We should do it again. Consider it training. I try to see how well I can fight you off. [it sounds like a joke but it hardly is.] Safe word is margarita.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2026-03-30 05:11 pm (UTC)You tried to kill him and if he wanted to kill you in return then yeah, I get it. Why should he forgive you? [Maria didn't think Silco should have to forgive Vander for that. he could hate him all he wanted and Maria would think that was justified. but she was drawing a line at everything else.]
But I'll stay safe. I talked to him and I don't think he had any idea who I was. Not sure anybody knows we know each other. I never mentioned it. [Maria had been protective of her life here. very private, mostly because she was afraid of losing it. the best way to lose something was to treat it as something that couldn't be lost. take it for granted.]
I'm not strong at all, Vander. We both know that. But I'm not totally helpless here. If I play useless, pointless, then nobody's ever going to consider me as anything more than that. [she smiles at him and finally takes a drag from the cigarette, letting the smoke out slowly.] I meant what I said. I can take care of you and I will, Vander. I'm not letting you go without a fight.
And I think you've needed to hear that. Needed to hear someone tell you that.
[Maria couldn't fix his pain, couldn't even take it away. but she could acknowledge it, could see his flaws, and want him despite all of that.]
no subject
Date: 2026-03-30 05:44 pm (UTC)[He shook his head, trailing off as he gathered himself and began to neatly pick and fold those raw emotions back up to stuff them in the box that he kept them in. He was still raw, felt the chafe of lacking any control whatsoever in this place and even his own life if what Powder told him was even remotely true.]
Good, tell him nothing about us. [Vander was also an insanely private person and not just because of Silco. He had failed in his relationship before, and he was scared shitless he would do it again if it was out in the open. He preferred what they had quiet and simply theirs.] I've never mentioned it either. I like that this is just ours and ours alone.
[He shot Maria a skeptical look about her lack of strength. He didn't believe that for a second; he had seen her strength and resilience and marveled at it.] You are strong; you have skills that others underappreciate that's all. You could twist people up with words and make them walk away thinking they earned a great deal. [He watched her, reaching up to stroke his fingers through her hair.]
The last people who wouldn't let me go without a fight are dead... or injured. [There was this fleeting impression of sorrow and pain and Jinx screaming. He blinked it away and focused on Maria.] So... you're going to be my partner in crime then, are you?
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Date: 2026-03-31 05:39 pm (UTC)there are many things she could say about keeping quiet about their relationship. when is it ever a good sign a man doesn't want people to know about you? but not the time or place. certainly not the right place. it's better if they don't broadcast their partnership. not if Vander has a mark on him and Maria can't physically do much for the man. she leans into his fingers in her hair, her eyes searching his face before they lower, heavily lidded as she hums.]
I am your partner in crime. [she pulls him closer to her, so his head can rest against her chest.] And if you really believe in my strength that much, you're going to have to believe in me keeping us going. I won't die so easily, Vander. Kind of hard to keep me down. Literally.
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Date: 2026-03-31 06:31 pm (UTC)[He could tell that Maria was being authentic with her words, and he looked at the side of her head.] Do you... have children? By blood or adoption? [It wasn't something anyone readily asked in this place, and yet it seemed important somehow at this very moment.]
We're going to make this work, make this place better. For us. For them. [He rolled with her pull, easing off of her so they were precariously balanced on the bartop. He nestled his cheek against her breast.] This relationship isn't all on you, Maria. It takes fifty-fifty effort. We give as much as we take; that's how this is going to work. You fight for me; I fight for you. [He huffed a sound of amusement.] Apparently death is an inconvenience here, but I don't think either of us die easily...
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Date: 2026-03-31 07:32 pm (UTC)[his question makes her pause but she does answer. there's a sense of sadness and longing, a hint of love there that isn't hers but she feels nonetheless.] No. But there was a little girl I wanted to know better. She really needed someone. [her heart still aches when she thinks of Laura. of how alone she must have been after losing Mary. but no matter what, Maria would never get to know her. all she would have were Mary's love and memories for the girl.]
You do realize if you're going to fight for me then that means no running. Not trying to rub salt in the wound but I need to remind you. You mean a lot to me, baby girl. I'll fight for you, I'll take on your struggles as you take on mine. We're in this together and I'm not the type to back down without a fight. [at the topic of death, she sighs.] I've had a good run on not dying. We'll see if I can keep it up.
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Date: 2026-04-01 01:02 am (UTC)[He nodded his head, the tether providing him extra information of sadness and longing. He felt for her that there was a child she wanted to know and wasn't able to garner opportunity for that.] Do you... have someone like that here? [Perhaps not a little girl but someone who Maria wanted to know and care for.
He winced at her reminder, pulling away so that he could sit up on the edge of the bar. He rubbed his fingers through his hair, musing it as he glanced back at her.] Yeah, we're in this together then, and if he or anyone hurts you... I can't guarantee that I'll bother to stop myself. It could cause... issues, but I figure if anyone hurt you first, all's fair in love and war. [He rubbed the back of his neck.] I think I died... no, I know I died but didn't. I think I became something else... something horrible.
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Date: 2026-04-02 06:29 pm (UTC)his question hits her and she decides to joke.] Do I have a child here? Is that what you're asking? [she knows what he is and for once, she avoids that particular line of questioning. that subject, well, it's a bit delicate isn't it?
and especially when he calls it love and war. there are many types of love, aren't there? and it doesn't have to mean anything. but god does it mean everything to her. she only kisses his cheek in reply to that particular sentiment. if she opens her mouth then she is afraid of what will be said. what she might do. and right now, her feelings for this man aren't what should be the focus. his pain and his fear, that's what she wants to help with. she wants to be able to comfort him. it was what she had promised him. Maria swings her legs to sit next to him, her legs hanging over the bar.] You don't think you really died then, do you? Not for good.
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Date: 2026-04-03 12:23 am (UTC)[He looked at Maria from where he was sitting, noting how dodged around actually answering him. He supposed if she recalled the girl she wanted to be close to and could not, it was unfair of him to ask her about things in Somnia. It just seemed like this was a different opportunity.] I know you don't have one of your own unless you're not telling me something. No, I meant... do you have a youngster that you're attached to here?
[He turned his head as she sat up and slipped to sit on the edge of the bar with him. He made a point of curling an arm around the small of her back, holding her close for the time being. This day had been tremendously exhausting on an emotional level. He hung his head on his neck, shaking it a little.] I don't know... Shimmer saved Jinx from the brink of death. There's this thing that I can't effectively describe, but it casts this shadow over who and what I feel like I am.
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Date: 2026-04-03 07:47 pm (UTC)[Maria knows it isn't fair to not be open with him. not if he was bearing his soul to her right now.] There's not that many kids here. But there are some teenagers here. I met your Jinx and then there's Sharon. I do feel a little protective of them even if I know they could hold their own better than I could.
[Maria feels comforted by the skin on skin contact. she can't help but lean in closer as she rests her head on his shoulder. it had been a tiring day and Maria could feel how exhausted he was. she certainly hadn't helped. and now this talk of death and everything...] Like an instinct? Or some deep drive in you?
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Date: 2026-04-03 09:53 pm (UTC)[He nodded his head; there were teenagers that were apparently older than some of the adults and adults that acted younger than the teenagers. That was just the times they lived in.] Yeah, those two are a thing with each other. I figure they'll go the distance. [He nudged her lightly with an elbow.] We need to teach you some combat, do we?
[He shook his head even as he turned it so that he could kiss the top of her head. He was exhausted, yet still wound up.] Like this force I can't control, and it doesn't let me go even when I've suffered significant damage...
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Date: 2026-04-05 12:17 am (UTC)Maria hadn't realized it was Sharon that Jinx had a crush on.] Oh! That's who Jinx was trying to make sure I didn't fool around with. Geesh, she's a little young for me. [seriously, Jinx.] I was only good for two things: taking my clothes off and being completely helpless. I am very good at them, you know about the first pretty well by now. But I'm a little too good at the helpless bit. [and she didn't want to drag anybody down, certainly not Vander.] You can teach me some combat and then we'll have even less to worry about.
[Vander talks like it's a possession of some sort. the kind of demonic things you hear about in scary stories. Maria knows it isn't quite that but it sounds similar.] You feel it there? In you?
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Date: 2026-04-05 01:23 am (UTC)Yeah, she sometimes forgets people are mind readers. [Yet he provided Maria the most intense side-eye one could imagine in a situation like this.] She's too young for you? I think our age difference is rather larger than the one you would have with Sharon. [It didn't bother him at all; they were both mature and consenting adults and she fit so well into his life and vice versa.] I don't consider you helpless; you've always contributed when we've done things together. Though, everyone should learn how to defend themselves.
[He inclined his head, having no other way to describe it. That thing had always been there since he was a boy, but he'd learned to control it. Sometimes. Most times. Now it was evolved into something more.] Yeah, something like that. Waiting to burst to the surface if I'm not careful.
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Date: 2026-04-06 01:57 am (UTC)[Maria smirks.] Sharon's a teenager and us? Adults. I'm a grown ass woman knowing exactly what I've signed up for. [his age hardly ever registered to her. a bit of a surprise when he told her and that was about it. if she was honest, she was kind of into it. liked knowing the experience and years he had on her. like he could really take care of her.] Yeah, I've contributed but put me up against something that could kill us? Well, I'll try my best.
[now talk about a warning. if anything, he sounded like a man with anger issues. like it was anger that bubbled up from inside of him and threatened to take him over. that's what had happened to Silco, hadn't it? and even when he'd fucked her just now, it'd been harsh and angry. yet Maria wasn't worried. he'd learned a lesson, Maria thought, and she'd pushed him into their sex before. she fanned his flames.] Hmm. [she takes her hand and puts it where his heart is.] Is it there right now?
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Date: 2026-04-06 05:34 pm (UTC)Nah, we consider them adults at that age where I'm from. Both are good girls, gun shy about some stuff it seems. [Maria did know what she was signing up for and she had signed very quickly on the dotted line. He didn't care about the age as much as long as Maria was happy with being close to him. They were both old enough to make decisions best for themselves and each other.] We protect each other, that's what matters. Do you know how to use any kind of weapon?
[Vander was a man with anger issues, or at least he had leaned into those when he was much younger. He had suppressed a lot of it after the fall out with Silco, and he considered himself much calmer now than way back then. He looked at her hand over his heart and shook his head as he took her hand and moved it lower to rest more over his belly.] No, but when it comes it's here. It welled up from here, but also... feels like it crawls up my spine.
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Date: 2026-04-07 05:29 pm (UTC)Being open about your emotions like that when you're young and still learning isn't easy. Can't blame a girl for not wanting her heart broken. [Maria understood it and maybe that was why there were still some grey areas with her and Vander. them always circling around something but right now wasn't the right time to talk about that.] I used a gun a while ago and I had a cleaver with me. Preferred the gun, though. Jinx gave me one.
[her fingers spread on his stomach carefully and listened to him. Maria didn't know what he was describing but she wanted him to know she was hearing everything he was saying.] Something spreading until you're entirely drowned in it?
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Date: 2026-04-07 06:30 pm (UTC)[He hummed in agreement. He knew they had both been hurt before, knew that Sharon and Jinx had also been hurt and keeping things on the safe side.] No, I agree. Emotional investment is a big risk for anyone, and it's important to guard your heart for someone that makes you better, not worse. Never shrink yourself to fit into the whims of a lover is what I say. [He nodded his head, expecting that Maria was best at range. It was important to know how to punch.] You still have the gun she gave you?
[He nodded his head at her description.] It's... worse now than before I died. It feels bigger, darker, scarier. Like something else is living in my skin with me. [He glanced at Maria.] Scary, right?
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Date: 2026-04-08 12:01 pm (UTC)[he had good advice and after everything he'd been through, she assumed he spoke from experience.] And there's enough people in the world who would prefer to see you go down than go up. [but Jinx and Sharon could help each other so she believed in them.] I do. I don't like using it, though. It was nice of her to give it to me and I'm afraid of losing it. [maybe it was silly.
it is scary, Maria thinks. for him. she looks to him and then presses a kiss to his shoulder and then his cheek, her hand still on him.] Being in a place like this doesn't help. Some people are monsters. [she was one of them but she'd always been a monster.] It doesn't make it better but you know I'll help you, right? Whatever's going on, you have me at your side. I'll help you through it.
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Date: 2026-04-09 05:24 pm (UTC)[He nodded his head in agreement; some people took out their own personal misery on others by punching down rather than hitting upwards at the source of their issues.] When you're poor or middle class, they do a good job aiming us at each other so we don't take the time to know we're in that position because of the oppression above. I just... want them to be happy, to have a bright future. [He wanted to help them acheive that future, as a parent often did with their child.] Well, it will be a good defense for you. We know this place is dangerous. You should practice with it.
[He sighed heavily, shifting and looking down at himself, pants still down around his thighs and her almost as much of a mess as he was.] Yeah, which is why I think it's... changed. This place gave it form, though I can't be certain. [So far, they were not connected by more than a thread.] I know I do, and I appreciate that. You've got my back, Maria. Though... maybe we should clean ourselves up?
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Date: 2026-04-12 10:28 pm (UTC)[they are a mess and at his question, about cleaning themselves, she moves off the bar to start getting her dress off as she stands in front of him. unzipping it and letting it fall, standing there naked for a moment. the mess down her thighs plenty obvious. before she steps closer.] If it was given form then you're not alone. Enough people like that are here and we can learn more. [she bends over, helping to take off his shoes and then his pants as she smiled.] Everything feels scarier right now but who you really are? Is the man right before me. Scared of hurting someone he cares about, wanting to make a better place for the children he cares about, and not wanting to take a chance to let the same mistakes happen. [she leans in and kisses him softly and then leaning down to press kisses along his thighs.] And that's all that matters to me.
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Date: 2026-04-13 05:43 am (UTC)[He eased to his feet though went no further than that as he spotted her undressing, and his attention was diverted to that. He was struck once again how absolutely beautiful she was, distracting him from the darker topics that they were currently discussing.] Yeah, it seems that people called Offerings by Sleep are afflicted with some sort of monstrous form.... [He didn't want it to be true for himself, but it actually explained that feeling that he had about that darkness inside of him having mutated and morphed.] Have you always been this reasonable when stripping a man? [He lifted a foot then the other so she could help him out of his clothing. He leaned back against the bar again as she kissed his thighs.] What do you say to a nice warm bath, hmm? I'll rub your feet.
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Date: 2026-04-14 01:57 am (UTC)[Maria wanted him to be able to talk, to let out all of the darkness and sadness inside of him. he deserved that. though god was it tempting to distract themselves both from it. which was usually what they were doing and though they had talked plenty about more serious topics, she knew his heart was still hurting. from his row with Silco, from having to see what he was capable of even with her...
but she wanted him happy.] I'm an Offering too, you know. And it's a little too on the nose for me but hey, I see you. And I'll always see you. [she presses a kiss to his thigh before teasingly biting there softly.] You always spoil your partners when trying to placate them?
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Date: 2026-04-17 10:54 pm (UTC)[And on that end, Vander wanted Maria to feel safe and comfortable enough to talk to him, open up on what she had been forced to endure before she arrived here. They had something good, and his previous points of panic were actions he would have to soul search on but also never allow to happen again. He wanted her to view him as steady and reliable, which that behaviour would not impress upon her.
It was dangerous. She said she would be by his side regardless.
He smiled at her.] I know you are. It makes me pleased that we are both Offerings, honestly. Another aspect of this place we can share understanding on. He stroked her face with a hand, humming softly.] Always, yeah. That's acceptable to you?
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Date: 2026-04-18 08:24 pm (UTC)they'd woken up in this dream together and instantly clicked. Maria would always appreciate him for that. the first person she'd ever talked to. who had seen her. she moves her head to kiss the side of his thumb before standing up and grabbing his hands to pull him to her.]
As long as it's you with me, it'll be acceptable.
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Date: 2026-04-19 04:22 pm (UTC)[He smiled at her kissing, pushing off the bar that he had been leaning on so he could bend down to scoop her up under the arms and up into his own. He kissed her cheek and began to walk away towards the back of the club where he decided he would take advantage of this facility.]
Good. Now let's get you a bath and I'll try to even fit in there with you. [He'd fail and there'd be water all over the floor, but the effort mattered.]
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Date: 2026-04-20 03:31 pm (UTC)when Vander lifts her up, she wraps her arms around his shoulders. her smile fond and soft.]
My knuckles might just get roughed up when I keep on fighting for you so I guess you have that to look forward to. [she leaned in and kissed his cheek again, nuzzling hers against his before resting her head on his shoulder.]
And just so you know? I liked that back there. We should do it again. Consider it training. I try to see how well I can fight you off. [it sounds like a joke but it hardly is.] Safe word is margarita.
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